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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Yes, Another Video

If you're like me and find golf, well...boring as hell, fret not. These guys have found a way to make golf an exciting adventure for everyone. Golf and fire might not seem to mix as well as these guys hoped, but developing the technique seems like a trial-and-error process. If properly executed, it could just be the greatest way to tee off at each hole.

If that's not the greatest execution of "stop, drop and roll," I just don't know what is.

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Monday, July 30, 2007

Dan Rodricks is a Stupid Dick.

From Dan Rodricks at The Sun in Baltimore:

Here's my prediction:
Red Sox will choke. It's going to get really ugly.
It's going to be historic. The Curse Resurrectio. They'll not only lose the AL East. They won't get a wild-card bid.
Yanks will finish first in the East, the Tigers in the Central and the Angels in the West. The Indians will be the wild-card.
The Orioles will make a run and finish strong -- edging out the Jays and the Sox into second place right behind the Yankees.
There, it's done. I said it. I'm gonna live with it. I've started the Bosox Choke Watch.

Good god, did they give Dan Shaughnessy a pen name?

Thanks to Dan at The Red Sox Monster.

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If You Like the WNBA...

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals.

If only they added women's lacrosse somehow...

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But I'm Backing In! You Can't Put it in Head First!

I can’t even count on one hand the number of times I’ve had to lay the smack down on the street. Especially about a parking space. But I may have met my match in this guy. Maybe.

Via All Hip Hop.

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

New Jersey Puts its Hopes in a Virgin

New Jersey is celebrating the age-old sport of hot air ballooning this weekend and balloon enthusiasts statewide are pinning all their hopes on a virgin to bring good weather.

According to an imported superstition, good weather can be assured through a ceremony involving a virgin, some knives and fresh, whole onions and peppers.

Unfortunately, it’s a lot less sexy than it sounds, and not just because of the setting:
[The virgin] drives a golf cart to the four corners of the festival site, picks up some grass, mumbles some random words, then penetrates the produce with a knife before jamming it and the knives into the ground.

Victoria Brumfield is the lucky lady in question, who took over as the event’s token virgin when her sister moved to California in 2005. To be safe, though, officials at the event should check the authenticity of her status. I mean, it’s New Jersey. She’s probably tainted, is what I’m trying to say.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Beckham's Pissing People off Already

Listen, I don’t know anything about Europe save what I’ve seen from a few post cards. But apparently shit’s crazy over there. I can’t believe some of the things they let their athletes get away with. It’s anarchy. Well, David Beckham’s got another thing coming now, let me tell you. And PETA’s gonna be all over his ass if he doesn’t watch out.

Apparently, the world’s greatest best looking futbol player favors Adidas “Predator” cleats made of kangaroo skin – oh yea, you can make shoes out of anything with skin – and he wears them as part of his multimillion dollar endorsement deal with the athletic giant. Well, animal rights activists, when they had time before their new Michael Vick agenda, sued Adidas and all-out hates the Australian government for allowing the death of such a loveable creature. They’ve been losing on account that kangaroo hunting is part of Australia’s plan to keep them from overpopulating the country. Until Tuesday, when California banned kangaroo skin.

The legislation still has to be cleared, and Beckham allegedly switched to synthetic Predators last year, but good god, Becks. If there’s one group you wanted to steer clear of coming to the States it’s the animal people. They’re a relentless pain in the ass, those ones.

Via The Fanhouse.

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

It's Already Too Much

If you're not already sick of the hype surrounding David Beckham - and all this before he even plays with the L.A. Galaxy - get ready to be: Becks has his own reality show.

That's right, he's following in the footsteps of his wife and Paula Abdul, and will document his first Major League season here in the good ol' U. S. of A. Not only will you watch him sit on the bench during games because of his sore ankle, you'll get to watch him sitting around behind-the-scenes because of his sore ankle. There will also be interviews and, hopefully, some more hot shots of him feeling up Posh.

The show is slated to air next Wednesday, the 25th, on the Fox Soccer Network, but it may be postponed based on whether or not Beckham actually takes the field this Saturday against Chelsea - you know, because he's being paid to and all.

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Why Drinking Beer is Awesome

Let it never be said that drinking isn’t essential to having a good time. Take, for example, these two guys video taped at the Pittsburgh Pirates - Atlanta Braves game July 14th. Fueled by hours of drinking liquid courage, they succumbed to their friends’ chants and jumped from the bleachers onto the field during a rain delay. The only problem is that at this point in the night, as you’ll see in the video, it seems they and their friends are the only ones left in the park.

In the end, what could have been a well thought-out streak across the outfield grass to the cheers of thousands (given that the Braves get that many spectators) basically ended up like spending three nights in jail for running across your parent's backyard. Awesome, guys…you are truly men amongst boys.

Via Dan at the Red Sox Monster. Another man amongst boys.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Frugal Footballer

If I just signed a multimillion dollar contract, penny-pinching would be the last thing on my mind. Well, I'm clearly no Fernando Torres, who isn't nearly as big of a self-induldgent prick as I would be.

Torres just signed a $42 million contract with Liverpool. But while A-Rod would have called upon the manliest strippers he could find, Torres got dropped off at the airport by his parents and treated his girlfriend to a $176 bargain flight from Madrid to Liverpool.

Somewhere in L.A., David Beckham is shaking his head.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Burn, Barry. Burn.

The bonfire was always a big deal in my town when I was younger. It was held on a field adjacent to the high school (we only had one) and was a part of the annual fall season pep rally. You know, a real New England affair. Until a foreign exchange student got alcohol poisoning my freshman year of high school, forever committing the yearly bonfire to memory - stupid foreigners. So it will come to no surprise that I plan on heading to Chicago for the Greatest. Bonfire. Ever.

As part of a Barry Bonds boycott, Bleachers Sports, a 15-year veteran of the Chicago sports memorabilia scene, plans to burn all of it's Bonds merchandise the day he breaks Hank Aaron’s home run record. Owner Keith McDonough has removed all Bonds baseball cards from a collection that’s about 5 million deep, including autographed items as well, and will burn each and every one. "Bonds knew he was taking performance-enhancing drugs, and he continued to take them after Major League Baseball declared their use to be illegal," he told chicagosports.com. "We have hundreds of children as customers and at least they will know that we do not support attaining athletic superiority through chemical ingestion. Quite simply, we want kids to say 'no' to taking steroids and any other drugs like this, so we will at least not sell Barry Bonds in our store."

At least now we know where Bud Selig's going to be the night Bonds breaks the record.

Via Ben Maller.

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Thursday, July 12, 2007

Strahan's Wallet Getting a Little Thin?

Living in New York City is notoriously tough on the wallet, and sometimes the locals need to find extra work on the side. But you wouldn't think an NFL player would experience the same need to tighten the purse strings. Unfortunately that's not the case when your ex-wife is sucking your account dry.

Giant's defensive end Michael Strahan, who's recently found extra change by appearing in Subway commercials, has had to get a second job with the DIY Network (whosit?) working on the show Backyard Stadiums. He'll be helping families design and build sports facilities in their backyards. And some of Strahan's athlete friends, like MLS star David Beckham Clint Mathis, NBA star Dwyane Wade Darryl Dawkins, former NFL quarterback Dan Marino Neil O'Donnell and pro skateboarder Tony Hawk Dan MacFarlane, will be joining him.

Add the show to Strahan's increasing team frustrations, and you can assume life has been good for the big man.

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Marcus Bent Got Screwed Because His Girlfriend Did First

Marcus Bent is an English soccer player.

Danielle Lloyd honestly thought Winston Churchill was the first black president of the United States (“There’s a statue of him near me – it’s black”), but that’s neither here nor there. The ex-Miss Great Britain was also the only thing about Bent that anyone cared about -until he dumped her for having a “marathon sex session” with 50 Cent and telling the tabloids about it.

Danielle, 23, met rap hardman Fiddy at his Hammersmith Apollo gig last week. And just hours later Fiddy, 32, invited her back to his £2,500-per-night suite at the swanky Landmark Hotel in West London..."Danielle was bragging to pals about how big he was - all over."

"She said he's a mega-star in more ways than one." And according to a bystander: "She looked a bit wobbly after her late night."

It must suck to be Marcus Bent. No one knows who you are; your dumb, hot girlfriend is telling the world she had to find another man to make her walk funny; and the worst part is that 50 Cent already made you look like a pussy by default – banging your girlfriend just made it sweeter for him.

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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Walker Held at Gunpoint

Antoine Walker should seriously consider moving out of the Chicago area. Monday marked the second time the Miami forward was robbed at gunpoint in the Windy City.

The first time was in July of 2000, when he was robbed while sitting in his car outside a south side restaurant. Monday, Walker was robbed in his home in Chicago's River North neighborhood. Police aren't giving many details, except that Walker and at least one other person were held at gunpoint by two offenders without injury and that a vehicle, cash and jewelry were taken Walker's agent says that the NBA star is okay and that he's getting everything, including himself, back together.

Neither Walker or the Heat had any comment as facts are gathered.

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Jelena and Jamie, Sittin in a Tree...

Here’s a way to get a girl that I’ve never heard of before: ask her to partner you at Wimbledon and the go on to win. Serbian tennis player Jelena Jankovic honestly believes that the reason she and her mixed doubles partner, Briton Jamie Murray, won at Wimbledon is because Jamie had a big, fat crush on her.

Jankovic gets her evidence from the fact that Murray asked her to partner him out of the blue even though she insisted she wasn't a doubles player. She also says Murray spent pauses telling her how attractive she was “instead of discussing tactics.” I’m sure she’s not trying to toot her own horn or anything, but she claims that by the end of the tournament, she “realized that in fact he had fallen in love.”

All kidding aside, though, I’ve seen this happen once before. Those 2004 Red Sox fucking loved me. Really, though, who could blame them.

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Monday, July 9, 2007

How Can You Not Love Red Sox Fans?

I’m a Red Sox fan and so it’s imperative that I flaunt all that makes my great nation…well, great. Reasons number 42 and 43 are these two guys who, like many others, take pride in making fun of the Yankees with no regard toward their self-worth, image and/or esteem.

You see, there’s nothing quite as refreshing as the ability to make fun of yourself Alex Rodriguez, especially in song. You may want to call it annoying. You would be wrong.

Thanks to Dan over at Red Sox Monster for this. I only wish he could introduce me to them.

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Patrick Says Good-bye to ESPN

Dan Patrick may not be going to The Price Is Right, but he's not staying at ESPN.

There's no word as to whether or not he's leaving because of the recent onslaught of bad media the World Wide Leader is faceing, but Patrick announced on his radio show a few minutes ago that he'll be leaving the network next month.

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Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Happy Fourth of July!

In the rare event that my mom (or your mom) isn't the only one reading this blog, I feel compelled to inform you of my upcoming absense (which clearly seems to have started last week - I hate having a job that requires me to "work" the requisite eight hours).

Believe it or not, I get a bit of a vacation, so I'll be attempting a tan at Cape Cod starting tomorrow. Since it's not exactly easy to come by wireless internet in a summer cottage that, you know, doesn't have it, and since I refuse to spend sun-filled drinking time trapsing for a Starbucks with wi-fi (Dunkin Donuts isn't quite as advanced yet), I leave you here.

Enjoy your Fourth of July and remember: nothing says "U.S.A." like an Pac Man shooting. But I'll settle for any NFL arrest upon my return.

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