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Thursday, May 31, 2007

A-Rod Knows More than One Way to Cheat

And it doesn't surprise me a bit.

In Wednesday's 10-5 win over the Blue Jays, Rod allegedly yelled "Mine!" at Toronto's third baseman while rounding third to run home. The yell caused Howie Clark to miss the ball, helping the Yanks along in the game. A-Rod told reporters that he yelled "Ha!" Not "Mine!" He went on to say, "sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."

I wonder where he learned to be so classy. Meanwhile his wife moved out.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Enrique Iglesias is So Funny

Oh, praise the lord, it was all a joke. Enrique Iglesias was only joking when he told a Swedish newspaper that he and Anna Kournikova were divorced.

Enrique slays me. You see, the two were never married in the first place! Silly Swedes. And shame on us for falling for the joke!

Thank goodness for the likes of People magazine and suchlike.

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I Can Now Justify Hating A-Rod

It's no secret. I hate Alex Rodriguez. And now the New York Post has completely justified my disdain.

The paper snapped photos of the Yankee third baseman with an unknown blonde while in Toronto Sunday night. The two were seen dining with friends at a steakhouse before visiting a "glitzy" strip club (are there any other kind?) and then mading their way to his hotel room just after midnight. One thing the paper does know is that the unkown blonde is not A-Rod's wife, Cynthia, the mother of their toddler daughter.

Honestly though, he's got a lot of extra money hanging around. Maybe he was just being hospitable? Yea, I don't believe that either.

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Now She'll Never be a Teen Model!

Great find by The Big Lead this morning that further proves the woman's place is in the kitchen.

Some chick from Arizona's softball team ran her face into the centerfield wall, which sucks, it really does. But c'mon,suck it up, would ya?

First of all, this is sports, made of metal and braun. Act like it and knock off the crying.

Second, when have you ever seen a male athlete (that's almost redundant, isn't it?) have his head cradled when he's taken off the field on the cart? She should be ashamed of herself.

Update: Check it out at Why Don't We Get Drunk and Blog because I can't seem to embed anything today.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

How Could You Not Swoon?

Elijah Dukes really knows how to sweet-talk his wife.

"Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls-------. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N-----, all I know is, n-----, when I see your m-----f------- a-- riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your m-----f------ house."

This voicemail was left on her cell phone, along with a picture of a gun, after Dukes ran into his wife's middle school classroom and screamed that he was going to kill her. Consequently, Nishea Gilbert Dukes got a little nervous and filed for protection against her husband...twice in the past month. Her first request was dropped because she missed her court date. One of her children was in the hospital. The latest request was made in a courtroom last Thursday, and a hearing will be held for her on May 30th.

By my count that's 13 days. Now, I'm not good at math, and I know that courtrooms are busy these days, what with the Cincinnati Bengals in the offseason, but almost two weeks of fearing for your life and the life of your children? I don't think the court grasps the immediacy of the situation.

Or maybe she should just take care of her own problems. We can't expect the police to be policing the entire neighborhood, you know.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I Bet Simpson's Somehow Behind This

Remember the suit OJ Simpson was wearing when his "not guilty" verdict was read in the murder trial? Ya, me neither, but Alfred Beardsley, sports memorabilia peddler, has got his hands on it and wants to sell it.

TMZ.com reports a judge denied the Goldman family's motion to collect money on the sale of Simpson's suit. David Cook, Fred Goldman's lawyer, filed papers just yesterday in Santa Monica asking a judge to grab the suit. The motion was denied, a judge told Kim Goldman, Ron's sister, because there was no way to prove the authenticity of the supposed "not guilty" suit.

Of course this - like many other things - doesn't make sense to me. If, in fact, the authenticity of the suit can't be verified, shouldn't the judge stop Beardsley from selling it under those pretenses? I mean, hell, Manny couldn't even sell a neighbor's grill.

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Teenagers Partying? What’s this World Coming To?

Michael Jordan is raising disrespectful children! I know not everyone is expected to be a little angel like I was as a high school student, but my goodness, Mr. Jordan, they are smoking marijuana, drinking, and dancing with young women!

The best part of this “developing” non-story from Media Take Out are the exclusive pictures provided of the two aptly following in dad's footsteps.

The Jordans should be ashamed of themselves.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Vick Can't Catch a Break

It just gets worse and worse for Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick. According to Yahoo Sports, the lead investigator in Vick's dogfighting case can directly tie Vick to the alleged dogfighting ring run out of his Smithfield, Virginia property.

Kathy Strouse, the Animal Control coordinator of Chesapeake, Virginia, says a reliable source allerted her to video tapes that tie Vick to the fighting. She also says she knows individuals who can "put Vick on that property" during matches. "We don't know where (the tapes) are or if they do indeed exist, but I have been told they are out there," she told the website. "Without knowing where they are, there's no possibility of getting a search warrant at this point."

Wait, what?

My god, this woman’s investigative skills know no bounds. Not that I particularly care to stick up for Vick, but he could use one of his fighting dogs as his attorney and he’d be able to win the case at this point. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the movies, it’s that “Just trust me, I know the tapes are out there” might not win your case.

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I'll Agree, It's Epic

James Toback has known Mike Tyson since 1985 and has over 30 hours of interview footage which - after enjoying with popcorn - he edited into a film documenting the rise and dramatic decline of a once-hallowed athlete.

“Tyson” will represent an honest account of the former champion’s life. “The point is not to polish or make a cinematic apology,” says Toback, “but rather to get a first-hand look at a very complex and epic story…from the bitter divorce, the ear-biting, prison, to his becoming a sex addict.” Toback went on to describe Tyson as “self-aware” and “smart,” so I’m not really sure how much stock we can put into statement number one.

Regardless, Tyson backs the entire thing, even donating the footage himself. Not surprising, since he probably needs the money. That whole World Tour thing didn’t financially pan out as he had hoped. I’m sure I’ll watch it, although I’ll be fast forwarding through that whole “sex addict” segment.

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Monday, May 14, 2007

Open Mouth, Insert Foot, You Big Baby

After acting like a 17-year-old whose parents took her license away, Brett Favre is saying that he never really wanted to be traded from the Green Bay Packers. Favre released a statement yesterday that says he wants to finish his career as a Packer.

"Sometimes when I get frustrated, I let my emotions get the better of me," the aging QB said. Packers GM Ted Thompson has acknowledged Favre's frustration and still believes the team will be successful this coming season.

I'm quite sure that Packer's fans will have no problem forgetting the incident, as they will always believe in the power, honesty and integrity that Brett Favre embodies. The rest of us will go on thinking he should have retired four years ago, avoiding this mess entirely.

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Friday, May 11, 2007

The New Face of DEI

Yesterday Dale Earnhardt Inc. lost its face, its name and its bloodline when Dale, Jr. announced that he and his manager-slash-sister were heading out to work for someone who, said Earnhardt, “isn’t such a fucking bitch.” Okay, maybe that’s not verbatim, but I’m sure it’s what he’s thinking.

Regardless, DEI now needs to step it up to keep fans and sponsors coming in. They need a driver with an edge. Someone who commands attention. Someone who can drive with, say no arms and one leg.

Michael Francis Wiley lost both arms and one of his legs in an electrical accident when he was 13. And Tuesday, now 40-years-old, he led police on an eight minute high speed chase in New Port Richey, Florida. Officers called the chase off to keep others from getting hurt. He was arrested Wednesday for fleeing police and habitually driving without a license (he’s actually had his license revoked so many times it’s a felony for him to drive).

And don’t think this was a first offense; this guy’s defying all odds. Wiley spent time in prison in 1996 for kicking - with his one leg - a state highway trooper and in 1998 he led police on another chase, clocking 120mph.

This guy’s got it all: speed, dexterity behind the wheel and the sympathy vote. I guess what I’m saying is that it’d be wise for Teresa to take a look.

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Hey Look, Ernie Peed His Pants Too! All Right!

You ain't cool unless you pee your pants...in Milwaukee.

It's true, the Milwaukee Brewers have the best record in baseball (24-10) and though it's only May, they stand a fighting chance to make the playoffs for the first time in 24 years. Naturally some Brewers fans are excited. Maybe a little too excited.

A website has been started (link via Deadspin) called Pee Your Pants for the Brewers, and it's asking fans to "step up to the plate and pledge" that they will, like the site's creator, pee their pants if the Brew Crew makes it to the playoffs. Says the publisher, "I have never seen a full Brewers season where they make the playoffs...It’s been a long 24 years- the longest playoff drought in baseball. With a young team of quality stars and shrewd management, we’re boldly making our move. I get so excited thinking about the Brewers now, a little pee comes out. In fact, when the Brewers make the playoffs I will pee my pants."

Will you join him and the other 199 people who've signed up since Monday? Come on! If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for you.

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Thursday, May 3, 2007

So Brady CAN Do Wrong??

I never thought I'd see the day when Tom Brady, of all people, did something to disappoint Boston.

In a shocking turn of events, the heralded Patriot's golden child quarterback finally proved that even Boston's most perfect man is not completely perfect. Brady, renown by Bostonians for his coolness under pressure, an overflowing well of selflessness, rugged good looks and a string of hot girlfriends finds himself in Boston's dog house. He committed THE cardinal sin when paparazzi (never thought I'd be typing that word here) caught him wearing a New York Yankees hat while on the streets of New York City this weekend with his girlfriend (some ex-Victoria's Secret model).

Honestly, Brady's been in Boston how long now? He’s lucky he's got a few Super Bowls under his belt. This kind of transgression is worthy of exile as far as any of us Boston fans are concerned.

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Captain Sparrow He is Not

CBS's latest brain child is a show called "Pirate Masters." It’s a reality show that puts 16 contestants on a 179-foot, square-rigged barque (I think that means it’s a boat) and for 33 days, they'll "live as buccaneers, traveling around a Caribbean island in search of a treasure totaling over $1 million. Each episode will find the contestants gathering at Pirates Court…where they'll state their case and somebody will be cut adrift."

And former Kansas City Chiefs running back Christian Okoye is a contestant. The 45-year- old, who rushed for 1480 yards and 12 touchdowns in his 1989 season, is the old is the oldest Pirate in the crew.

I'm not sure why he’s doing the show (I'd think Jose Canseco would have boxed him out for this opportunity), but CBS totally dropped the ball by not choosing someone who played for Tampa Bay.

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Wednesday, May 2, 2007

NASCAR Expects More from its Fans

Contrary to popular belief what I always thought, NASCAR does, in fact, have standards for its fans.

Talladega Superspeedway warned spectators to not throw objects onto the track before Sunday's race and ended up permanently banned 14 fans from buying tickets for doing just that. The fans were caught throwing beer cans onto the racetrack when Jeff Gordon passed Dale Earnhardt, a track favorite, on the career wins list Sunday. Man, that's classy.

There is a loophole, however: track officials cannot stop any of the 14 from obtaining tickets through a third party. It's a pretty big loophole, but I'd still be shocked if any of them find it.

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Mascot Causes Trouble at Match

Can you tell me who in the picture is a human and who is a giant lion mascot? If you can't, you're not alone.

Kingsley the lion (above right), was cause for confusion at a Premiere League match between Reading and Newcastle this weekend. Kingsley is Reading's mascot and was asked to leave the game because he was wearing the same shirt as the team and a referee kept mistaking him for a player.

Reading still won the game 1-0 without Kingsley's help, but that's not the point. Reading needs a mascot who's not so lifelike.

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Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Best. Day. Ever.

Tomorrow is the Wachovia Championship Pro-AM in Charlotte, North Carolina, and the big match-up of the day is the two guys who will be golfing with Skipper Beck: Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan. To catch you up, Beck is the guy who supplies the tournament with complementary Mercedes-Benz cars.

How great is it to be this guy, though? He already know he’s going to lose, and not a damn person is going to be paying attention to him, no matter how poorly he does. He just gets to mill around with two of the world’s greatest athletes as if he’s one of their own. Except he won’t get slapped with a restraining order like I did that time.

Indecent exposure? Please.

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More "Progress" For the Blind

Fact: You cannot fly if you are colorblind. But apparently if you suffer from run-of-the-mill blindness, nothing can stop you from getting behind the controls.

Miles Hilton-Barber lost his eyesight 20 years ago because of a hereditary condition and has since climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and Mont Blanc, run a marathon in both the Sahara and Gobi deserts, and attempted to reach the South Pole. And as of Monday, the 58-year-old completed a flight from London to Sidney, Australiain a microflight aircraft.With the help of a sighted co-pilot and audio devices that reads out navigational information, Hilton-Barber completed the 59-day adventure.

First reading, now they can fly. What's next, hunting?

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Theismann's In Depth Analysis

Joe Theismann was a guest on ESPN Radio’s Mike and Mike in the Morning today and he went above and beyond traditional draft analysis when he addressed fellow former Notre Damer Brady Quinn:

The only thing I was disappointed in with the young man, and I hold his agents responsible for this, was to me, when you walk out on stage in front of millions and millions of people, that's a job interview. You don't go to a job interview chewing gum. And I felt like he could have presented himself in a much more professional manner. It looked like his tie was the first time he ever tried to tie one. It looked like his hair, he had just walked out of a shower, and he stands there, relieved as all get-out, chewing gum. And to me, that's not a professional image. And maybe I'm reading into it, but when it comes to drafts, when it comes to analyzing players, I think you have to look at everything.

Now this is the analysis we should look for from Theismann. Sure, X's and O's are important, but nothing really says “great football player” like naturally fresh breath, and clean clothing lines. Ron Jaworski better be paying attention.

Via The Fanhouse.

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