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Friday, June 29, 2007

I Believe the Word You’re Looking for is “Poseur”

Everyone’s told their little white lie: my dog ate my homework; I didn’t have sexual relations with that woman; I’ve never done steroids. The problem is when you cross the line from getting yourself out of trouble to trying to improve your image.

It's like Eminem said at the end of that movie about him being a big rapper: Ain't no such thing as half way crooks. I'm assuming, because that's what I do, that Tank Johnson never saw that movie, and so never knew that it's not safe to lie for street cred. And as if getting caught in the lies about his parents isn't bad enough, he's being called out by his Aunty Chris.

''You can't fabricate things, and you can't go around making up accusations and building up stories based on your family,'' Tank's aunt, Chris Johnson, said after reading in the Chicago Post-Tribune that Tank said his father's been in jail. Apparently Tank’s parent’s rampant life of drug use wasn’t exactly all true, either. His father, Terry, Sr., said his only narcotic offense was a misdemeanor and involved marijuana rolling papers which was supposed to have been expunged. Terry calls the reports, “a bunch of bullshit.”

At this point, Johnson could have gone to Cranbrook and I wouldn’t be surprised.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Can't Get Enough of that Wonderful Duff

Ah, Wisconsin. Refiner of cheese. Keeper of Brett Favre. Could it ever do any more for our great nation? Oh, that would be a yes.

You see, until now, beer and exercise haven't been synonymous outside the game of golf, but thanks to the folks in Suamico, Wisconsin, the two have been combined into a brilliant and lucrative idea: a street race for charity.

Sunday marked the 19th Annual Beer Belly Two – a two-mile street race laced with beer stops instead of water stops (because who needs hydration while running on a hot summer day). Local charities were smart in combining the two, peeling many men off of their recliners and into sneakers for a good cause - or beer. Probably for beer. And since nothing says family fun like dad's beer belly, kids are welcome to run, too.

The event has raised over $350,000 since its inaugural race, which is nice. But don't lose sight of what's really important, and that's making enough time in your life for quality drinking.

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Sunday, June 24, 2007

Cop Got Bitten by a Dolphin

If you'd never heard of Fred Evans until Saturday, don't feel bad, no one else had either. He's the Dolphins' 6-foot-4, 305-pound defensive tackle who appeared in one game as a rookie last season. He's also a cop's worst nightmare.

Evans bit a cop and had to be tasered twice before officers were able to subdue him early Saturday morning. Apparently Evans refused to leave a taxi on South Beach when asked by police and resisted when the two officers tried to put cuffs on him. He's been charged with multiple counts of battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting with violence, and one count each of disorderly intoxication and trespassing.

Miami head coach Cam Cameron promises that Evans' behavior will be dealt with seriously. No word has come down from the Big Commish as of yet.

Via Deadspin

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Thursday, June 21, 2007

O.J. on the Juice

This is why you shouldn't drink before stabbing people writing a book talking to cameras on the street. TMZ's cameras ran into O.J. Simpson coming out of the Forge Restaurant in Miami Beach last night.

He's really happy that the website got If I Did It into the hands of the public for free. By which he must have meant, "without the Goldman's getting any of the money because it was my idea to make money off of the book first."

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Poor Girl.

If you’ve ever wanted to know what I meant when I describe someone as “socially retarded,” this is it. Also, I’d like to meet her friend “Louis in Texas,” because, sweetie, any guy who sends you a Damon Red Sox t-shirt in 2007 is not your friend. Or he’s gay.

In all honesty, when I first watched this video – sent to me from Dan over at The Red Sox Monster – I felt bad for the girl. I figured she was bored and made this while everyone else was at Prom or something, and her little brother stole it and posted it on YouTube. But I was wrong.

This chick actually does this regularly. So much so that she has a blooper reel, but she forgot to include the previous videos on it.

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

No One Wants to Kiss Fantasia

Kansas City running back Larry Johnson was cast in a Fantasia Barrino music video that shot in March.

The demanding role required him to walk on a treadmill in front of a green screen (talk about acting). And according to Johnson, what was the worst part of shooting When I See U? Kissing the bitch. “They don’t make you stop doing it until you get it right,” he said.

It’s understandable, though. You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would want to kiss her.

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Mitch Albom Sells Screenplay

Mitch Albom has accomplished what many writers hope to do someday. He’s sold his first feature screenplay. To Adam Sandler.

There isn’t a lot of info as of yet, but Columbia Pictures and Happy Madison Productions have purchased the rights to the screenplay. Sandler’s been successful experimenting out of his trademark comedy genre a few times, first with Punch-Drunk Love and most recently with the post-911 drama Reign Over Me, costarring Don Cheadle. But there’s no word as to whether or not he’ll star in this.

In all honesty, though, Sandler’s going to need a strong follow up to I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and Albom already has a proven audience. Sports fans Grandmothers everywhere rave about his books. But if you’re thinking Happy Gilmore meets Tuesdays with Morrie, then you’re as disappointed as I am.

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O.J.'s Behind This

O.J. Simpson's If I Did It has been leaked onto the Internet. TMZ got hold of some of the manuscript and has posted it on its site.

What with selling off his white bronco and trying to hawk this book in the first place, there's no way that O.J. didn't murder those people leak this himself.

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Friday, June 15, 2007

A Fish Called Wanda

With all the dangers involved in water sports it’s amazing that people still participate at all. Sharks and sunburns alone are enough to keep me off the water. And don’t even get me started on the killer flying fish. Just ask Tara Spears, who I’m sure won’t be navigating the waters of Florida’s Suwannee River again anytime soon.

Spears was knocked unconscious after being hit by a leaping sturgeon while jet skiing last weekend. And this isn’t an isolated incident. Earlier in the year a 50-year-old woman ruptured her spleen, lost a tooth and almost lost four fingers (three were reattached) when she was hit by a leaping sturgeon on the same river. In 2006, 10 people were hurt in Florida alone in what authorities call “sturgeon-human incidents.”

Doesn't Florida have an alligator problem as well? People argue with me all the time, but this whole “wildlife” thing is overrated.

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A Sit Down with Amanda Beard

I often get stuck running an interview with some chick from Playboy. I’ve worked with all three of Hef’s girlfriends and a few cover girls. Every time I head into one of these interviews, I do so with the honest intention of hating the bitch. Whether it stems from jealousy or elitism, it makes no difference: I don’t want to like her. And every time, without fail, the bitch ends up being the fucking sweetest thing and not nearly as stupid as I’d hoped she’d be.

Yesterday was no exception. But this time I was able to sit down with three-time Olympian turned July Playboy cover girl Amanda Beard and ask her my own questions. I only had ten minutes, so my interview isn’t as good or extensive as others, but the chick is cool as hell (as is her boyfriend. And sorry guys, but if he was in that hot blogger contest, he’d win, hands down). I wasn’t able to fit in questions about the couple’s Arizona home, their three dogs or the “his” and “hers” motorcycles, but I did get a few in. Oh, and sorry to disappoint if you haven’t seen the spread yet, but you’re not getting full frontal. She explains below.

Who approached who for the Playboy shoot?

They actually approached my agent, and he called me. They’ve approached a couple of times and it never really felt like the right moment in my life. This time, everything clicked, everything fell together nicely. And like I said, they gave me so much control over the photo shoot with picking the photographer, and having a lot of creative control and being able to check out all the photos and approve them all before they were put in the magazine. And I was like, you know what? This is Playboy, and them giving me this much control in a legendary magazine like this, I’d be a fool to pass it up. So I definitely was excited to – hopefully – be on the cover.

Playboy has been known to airbrush out tattoos and you have a few. Did they airbrush yours out? (I haven’t actually seen the spread. I neither subscribe to the magazine nor want to purchase one from shelves in a store).

You know, [other magazines have] done that in previous photo shoots that I’ve done but they didn’t do it in this one. I like it when they leave it in there because it’s like, airbrushing a birthmark or a freckle off of someone is kind of weird. You need to keep it as natural as possible. My tattoos are special to me, so I’m glad they left them. I have the three stars on my back, on the back of my neck I have the zodiac sign for Scorpio, and then on the back of my leg I have another star, and then on my other leg I have Ray tattooed on me which is my middle name, my dad’s middle name and my grandpa’s name.

Not to disappoint all the guys, but you didn’t exactly do a full frontal. What did you allow them to shoot?

You go through all the logistics of it and what you want to reveal and not reveal. I’m totally fine with my butt showing, you know, I moon people all the time, so that’s not weird. And you know what, I’ve basically shown most of my boobs minus the nipples, so I figured, why not take that next step, but I wasn’t ready for that bottom half part.

When you did the FHM cover in 2004, you were in it with Logan Tom, Haley Cope, Jenny Adams and Amy Acuff. Acuff also did a shoot with Playboy in 2004. Had she already finished that shoot by that point and have you talked to her about it at all?

I’m not quite sure. I didn’t get to shoot with all those girls. They kind of put us together at the end. I only shot with one of the other girls and I’ve never even met them. So I don’t know what order she did the photo shoots in, but I saw that spread in 2004. I mean, I obviously have no problem with it. I think it’s always refreshing and kind of nice to see a body like that portrayed as beautiful and sexy.

Now, you’re going to have critics. You work with Defenders of Wildlife; people say you’re a role model, etc. What do you say to your critics?

You know what, that’s fine. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, so they can say what they want, but my whole thing is that I live a very calm and healthy lifestyle. I mean, I’m not partying late into the hours or anything like that, I hardly even drink, I’m not a drug addict, I’m not in jail. I’m in a committed relationship, I’m very very close with my family and those are all things that [make me] a role model. I always say that everyone chooses their own road, and so Playboy might not be for them, they might not necessarily agree with it, but I feel like my lifestyle is definitely worth being a role model for.

You’ve come from the 14-year-old girl with the teddy bear on the pedestal to the cover of Playboy, and to live out your dreams. Not every girl’s dream is Playboy, but what do you say to young athletes who look to have the success that you’ve had?

The thing that’s great about being an athlete is that it does create a lot of opportunities for you and it opens a lot of doors, and you have to decide which ones are the right ones for you. I think that you need to be aware of the things that hard work could bring you. Being dedicated to a sport can bring you a lifetime of great memories, it can bring you a job, and a lot of things. I talk to young girls all the time about this kind of stuff, and you know, they don’t know about [the magazine], they have to be 18 to buy it, so I talk to them about swimming and going through high school and all those pressures. I lived through it, so I think it’s just refreshing for them to talk to me.

You mentioned your family before. How is dad handling this whole Playboy thing?

Dad, actually, is super cool. You know, I’ve talked to him about it before because I’ve always kind of toyed with the possibility of being approached for this. So I’ve always kind of brought it up to him because we’re very, very close. And when I said, “Hey, I’m gonna shoot for Playboy and they said it could be a possible cover,” he was like, “This is a great business decision. I think this is a good thing to do, and if you’re comfortable with this, I’m comfortable with this and I support you no matter what.” So, he’s a good dad.

Are you afraid that anyone in your family’s going to see it that you’d rather not?

Everyone’s buying the copies, uncles, aunts, cousins, everyone. So, you know what, in one way you can look at it as it’s weird or awkward, but in another way, my family’s supporting me and they’re going out and buying magazines and they know that I’m working really hard to do this stuff, which is cool. They can look passed all the negative things being said and just have an open mind with it.

You’ve been up since 4 o’clock this morning; you’ve done numerous interviews and probably have more when you leave here. You’re in the middle of training for the 2008 Olympics…how exactly do you fit your training in?

I don’t actually work out very much when I’m doing things like this because I have no energy to work out and I don’t know where I would fit it in. I’m literally going from 4am to about 10pm tonight, so these are my days off, if you can even call them that. But every other day I’m not doing a full schedule like this, I’m definitely working out. And I have my jump rope with me in the hotel, so if I have any spare time I can bust my jump rope out and do my quick little sets, or some sit-ups.

There’s discussion going on right now that hints at us boycotting the Beijing Olympics for political reasons. Is that fair to do that to all of you athletes who work so hard to get there? What would you say to them?

Not at all. That would be heartbreaking, I think, to do something like that. I think the Olympics is putting away all the political [stuff] that’s going on, having some good, healthy competition. I think it’s just horrible to not allow athletes who’ve been training, you know, their whole lives for these moments to not compete. I would be one pissed off person. So don’t do it.

We went on to finish the interview by talking about the disaster that is the 2012 London logo, but she hasn’t yet seen it. I told her about the epilepsy scare and she laughed. She’s funny, this one. She’s also incredibly sweet and incredibly smart, as I hoped she wouldn’t but knew she would be. I will be cheering for her come Beijing, if we are still going.

To see more of Amanda and her boyfriend Sasha, check out the house tour she did for Sobe.

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Thursday, June 7, 2007

Divorce Sucks

Divorces are difficult, this is no secret. And sometimes they can get downright ugly, especially when kids baseball tickets are involved.

In what may be the first custody battle over Atlanta Braves tickets H. Elizabeth King and Charles Center spent two hours in a hearing on Tuesday that involved several witnesses.

King testified that Center had gone out of his way this year to give her tickets to games that conflicted with her schedule. And she claimed 80 percent of the tickets he gave her were for day games, implying he'd done it because he knew she had skin cancer.

Center testified that the four tickets to 27 home games cost about $6,000. And he was distributing them to her the way he'd always distributed them, sequentially, according to a mathematical formula. He said he adjusted that arrangement when people asked or if there were conflicting schedules.

In the end, after $13,000 in legal fees, the judge told them to settle out of court, which, frankly, is just plain lazy. Then again, I wouldn’t want to sit for more than two hours listening to people bitch over Braves tickets, either.

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Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Who is The Next John Madden?

No. This is not a camp that you can attend to learn to be the next John Madden. And no, this is not a set-up for a new reality show. This is an actual training camp for actual NFL players so that they can become the next John Madden.

On June 18th, the NFL is holding its first ever "Broadcast Boot Camp" where 20 players will spend three, 12-hour days determining if they have what it takes to make the cut. Applicants are whittled down by essay questions until the final 20 are selected to attend the camp. Once there, they'll attend classes, including "a session on ethics and what it's like to criticize former teammates," which pretty much eliminates T.O. from the get-go.

On-air "talent" will be on hand as well, including broadcasters from FOX, CBS, and ABC/ESPN.

Via The Big Lead.

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The "No-Go Logo"

This is the 2012 Olympics logo. Will at Deadspin describes it as a tetris disaster and at first I thought it was just ugly as well. But a new study shows that it's not just ugly, it's dangerous too. It sparked epileptic fits in at least 10 people last night at a viewing in London.

The “animated footage’s flashing lights and colours [at a viewing last night] also caused scores of others to suffer sickness and dizziness.” It's so bad, in fact, that London Mayor Ken Livingstone has termed it the "No-go Logo," and it's been pulled from the official website.

I always figured if the Times Square McDonald’s didn’t cause seizures, nothing would. How wrong I was.

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Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Pac-Man Jones Still Causing Trouble

Tennessee Titans cornerback Pac-Man Jones hasn't learned a damn thing from his suspension. He was apparently nothing but trouble at R. Kelly's Double Up album release party last week.

According to sources at both AllHipHop.com(Item 8) and MediaTakeOut.com, the recently suspended NFLer was throwing bottles into the crowd while Kellz was performing for no reason at all. He also "allegedly" almost started a fight with a fellow party goer.

It's clear Jones is unable to function in social situations and shouldn't have been let out of his cage. Although, I can't say I wouldn't react the same way if I was stuck at an R. Kelly concert, so who am I to throw stones.

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Friday, June 1, 2007

Best. Interview. Ever.

Ali G interviewing Posh and Beckham.

The Geico Gecko hardly even speaks.

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