Lance Briggs' Actions "Exceedingly Dumb"

Lance Briggs wrapped his brand new Lamborghini around a street sign the other night and fled the scene of the accident only to later call police and turn himself in. According to some Chicago area legal expert, Briggs’ actions were "exceedingly dumb".

“'Leaving the scene and lying to the police is exceedingly dumb.”
~Chicago area legal expert

“Exceedingly dumb.” Really? I mean, I'm no expert on law - or, well, anything for that matter - but I would call Briggs' actions absolutely fucking brilliant.

Let’s break this down real quick: I’m going to assume that Briggs had been drinking – because I can and because I think you’re a fool not to – and instead of sitting around, getting slapped with a DUI, a suspension, a soiled reputation and all the other consquences that stem from drunk driving, Briggs faces one misdemeanor, two traffic citations, and no discipline from his team or the league (as of yet). Add to that the handshakes and hugs because he’s not hurt and the fact that police can’t prove he had been drinking, and things seem to be wrapping up into a nice. Little. Package.

Granted, Briggs admitted to lying to police, but he’s already apologized to appease the masses. He cooperated and accepted the charges and is due in court October 4th. All-in-all, had Briggs stayed with the car, he would have been a lot worse off right now.

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In What Kind of a World Does this Happen?

It must say a lot about the condition of the world we live in when a lot of people can learn from something Ron Artest says. I don’t know how it happened, but the Kings forward appeared well-spoken and compassionate while answering questions at a promotion for the Wheelchair Charities Hoop Game on Tuesday.

"I might get in trouble for this, but I want to call him," he said. "I want to support him and be there for him because [these are] tough times," continued Artest. "I don't support the dog fighting. I can't watch it. I can't imagine another dog biting a dog. It makes me nauseous."

I'm sorry, what? I just blacked out.

Via The Big Lead.

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David Beckham's Not Smarter than a Fifth Grader

I wasn't aware of this - what with not living in Britain and all - but the Brits have a nickname for David and Posh Beckham: "Thick and Thin." And now I know why.

When asked recently about helping his son with his third grade homework, Beckham said, “Their homework is so hard these days. It's totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school, and you know I was like 'Oh my God, I can't do this'."

Teached? Posh better rethink that idea of having another child anytime soon. It would be tough, what with already having four to take care of.

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Well, Well, Well.

I don't want to name names. So for this exercise we'll call her B. Moynahan. Wait, that might be too obvious. Let's say Bridget M.

Yea, that's better.

It seems that Bridget M. may have read a certain someone's blog yesterday and decided to act accordingly. Smart decision.

Love,
New England.

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Moynahan Wants to Ruin Opening Day for New England

You can't hate on a guy for wanting to be around for the birth of his baby - there's too many of them out there who couldn't care less, after all - but I have to wonder why Pats qb Tom Brady couldn't have planned a little better. And then I remembered it was a mistake.

Regardless, Brady's ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan seems to be waiting for the start of the season to give birth. Honestly, she's holding that thing in as long as she can. And because of it, Brady may need to be excused from the team during the beginning of the season to be at the birth. Seriously, if Moynahan wanted to slip one passed the goalie, that's fine, but does she have to hold all of New England hostage as well?

Not to mention, I've got tickets to the Jets-Pats opener on September 9th, and if Moynahan waits until that weekend to pop this kid out, she better get the hell out of New York. And fast.

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When Traveling Goes Bad.

I always thought Ultimate Frisbee was when a bunch of hippies ran up and down a field in an attempt to play a sport. I have never been more wrong.

Two Swiss students on holiday [in Budapest] played frisbee with an object they found on a beach unaware it was a live land mine.

A lifeguard watching stopped them and immediately called the police. A bomb squad then arrived to make safe what turned out to be an old Soviet 6 kilogrammes anti-tank mine.

If you ever end up going to Budapest (god knows why), I suggest sticking with the spas. If they're clean.

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CBS is Smart

Being able to earn from your mistakes is key to growing as a person. If you've ever been sued or taken to court for an action, you're most likely not going to said action again (with clear exceptions to every rule). CBS had to fire radio and TV personality Don Imus for racial slurs he made toward the Rutgers women's basketball team in April, and they've replaced him withformer NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason and announcer Craig Carton.

Carton was sued in 1997 by the Philadelphia Flyers for saying one of its players missed a game because he was hung over, not hurt. He's also been amidst numerous controversies while working with a morning show in New Jersey, stemming back to 2005. The problems included allegedly targeting hispanics in a campaign called "La Cucha Gotcha," (a play on La Cucaracha) to report suspicious people to immigration authorities; telling women suffering from postpartum depression to smoke marijuana instead of "putting their babies in the microwave;" and saying "Chinese [people] should never dictate the outcome of an American election, Americans should" during a conversation about Asians voting in America [second audio clip here]. Carton has even been described as "a guy who's managed to insult almost every community around," by New Jersey Assemblyman Wilfredo Caraballo.

May I wish you luck, CBS, on your endeavor to clean up your programming. But I just don't see this ending well.



Via The Debriefing.

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Sharapova's a Grunter, Not a Screamer

You’d think that with the way she grunts and moans all the way through a tennis match, that Maria Sharapova would be loud in other aspects of life, too. Not so much, says Maroon 5 frontman, Adam Levine, who broke up with Sharapova because she is too quiet in bed.

She wouldn’t make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration'.

This totally blows my image of Sharapova. I’m shocked that she – or anyone, for that matter – wanted to have sex with Adam Levine.

And let's give her the benefit of the doubt here...I wouldn't want his whiney-ass voice in my ear, either.

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Nothing Comes Easy for Pac Man!

First, the NFL gets all up in Pac Man Jones' personal affairs and suspends him for the 2007 season because of a few little gun problems. Then, the Titans tried to tell him that wrestling during his suspension would violate his contract. And now, the league is attacking him on a creative level!

The cornerback has started National Street League Records and plans to record in a group called Posterboyz with a rapper named Spoaty. He actually mentioned his label before his suspension (note the long hair still intact), but more info's come out recently. "I went within myself to find a place to release my talents while I filter through my career from all of the things that have taken place around me," Jones said. "I find tranquility in writing lyrics, establishing my company and preparing for my promo tour in mid September. Looking from the outside in, I have been the example for many to see the poster child if you will; and from that sentiment the 'Posterboyz' group name was born." We're not quite sure what, exactly, Pac Man is a poster boy for, but that's not the problem. According to the AP, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello says the league is looking into whether or not the name "National Street League Records" infringes on the NFL's trademark.

Honestly, guys...the label is almost a guaranteed failure. You really need to learn to pick your battles

Via The Debriefing.

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Fret Not: Kobe's Not Getting Divorced

LA Laker Kobe Bryant wants the world to know that he's not getting a divorce! And he proved it by touting his $4 million ring around town with his wife attached.

The couple were seen leaving a high-end LA hot spot (because money equals happiness) Wednesday night, looking as happy as ever. Rumors surfaced earlier this week that the two were ending their six-year marriage because things weren't getting better after that whole "rape case" thing. Kobe's been strongly denying the rumor ever since it started.

Honestly, did you think he'd walk out on an investment like that?

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Alba's Got the Herp!

Hate to break it to you guys, but Jessica Alba regularly refills her prescription for Valtrex. You know, that medicine that people with herpes use.

Well, according to Alba’s ex’s friend’s friend at LA Rag, Alba got the herp from none other than Yankees golden boy, Derek Jeter.

Are you doing a quick list in your head of all the girls he “dated?” I’ve never been happier to say that I’m not one of them.

Herpes. The gift that keeps on giving.

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Cycling Just Got More Interesting

I really don't even know what I want to say here. But, please, give your thoughts in the comments.

Via D-Listed.

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Honestly, Officer, the Mets Made Me Do It!

I’m pretty good at controlling my anger. Okay, that’s complete bullshit. I’m awful at controlling my anger. Especially when it comes to losing. I fucking hate losing. But not as much as Michael Anthony, the 26-year-old Queens native who killed his mom after the Mets lost to the Nationals 6-5 Saturday night.

"[My father and I] started fighting [after the game] and my mother jumped in," he said, adding that she took a knife from the kitchen of the Fresh Meadows home. "I took the knife from her and it got stuck in her head."

[His mom] then fled to the bedroom, where Anthony said he thought she was going for a weapon in a dresser drawer. "I grabbed a weight from the top of the dresser, swung it, hit her and she fell to the floor," Anthony said.

It honestly sounds like he was completely passive in this whole thing. The knife and the weight did all the work. But if he did do it on purpose, I’m not saying he should have killed her. But I understand.

(bam)

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Stripper Saves Client's Life

Well, shit. Who’d of thought a stripper would be the one to lend credibility to the fairer sex? Apparently they can use their mouths for, well, other things too. A stripper saved one of her client’s lives using CPR.

Karnesha Nantz went to the Port St. Lucie home of Daniel Karpisnki to entertain the 46-year-old. Nantz said she noticed Karpinski had lost consciousness and stopped breathing. "I began doing CPR," Nantz said. "I did about three cycles of CPR and basically called 911 to see if I was doing it correctly, and also to have the ambulance rushed to the scene."

I would love to hear the tape from that 911 call. Regardless, Karpinski was treated and released from the hospital and says he considers Nantz his hero.

I still consider her a slut.

Thanks, Steve!!

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So You Think You Can Dance?

It will never be dull in Cincinnati as long as Chad Johnson is around. At the very least, he'll serve as entertainment while Chris Henry's on leave. The Bengals wide receiver is hosting a dance contest.

It's his "Touchdown Celebration Showdown" during which fans submit a video up to 30 seconds long of their own dances, flips, or whatever they can come up with. You have until August 20th to submit the video and voting will run from August 22nd to September 4th. The winner, who may win a trip to meet Johnson, will be announced September 6th.

Johnson's already entered his own video as an example of the kind of sweet-ass moves you should hope to emmulate:


Create Your Own PaloozaHead - Visit Lollapalooza.com

From www.cincyjungle.com. Via The Big Lead

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See? Paternity Suits Can be Fun!

Sure, paternity suits can suck your wallet dry and drag your good name through the mud, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be entertaining! Like here. And here, for example. And Eddie Murphy and the Spice Girl.

Well, now the WWE wants in on the fun, and that’s why the no-longer-dead Vince McMahon got slapped with a paternity suit on Monday Night Raw. Well, that and the fact that they need to run as far away from the whole "death in the WWE" concept as they can.

But I really think they should run with this story line. It would be a perfect opportunity to get Kevin Federline involved again.

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The Real Life Scenario Jake Brown

We've all seen this video:


Jake Brown Falls Over 50ft At X-Games - Watch more free videos

During the broadcast, Jake Brown's fall was compared to jumping out of a building onto the sidewalk and walking away. Well, meet Matthew Savage, who did just that Friday.

Matthew Savage, 17, was reaching up to a balcony one floor above to grab a bathing suit that had fluttered down from the 11th floor when he tumbled over the railing Friday.

The teen, from Gainesville, Ga., hit other balconies on his way down and slammed onto a slanted rooftop, then slid into bushes.

Savage tried to walk back to his hotel room, but paramedics strapped him to a board and took him to the hospital. Tests showed he was fine.

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Baseball Players are Pansies

With NFL training camps well underway and fantasy leagues coming together amidst Barry Bonds ruining the baseball season, it’s time to revisit a classic. Time, if you will, to remember why football’s so fucking awesome.

This is George Carlin from 1990 comparing the difference between baseball and football. And basically, pointing out what a bunch of bitches baseball players really are.

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Here Come the PSAs

Ladies, if you’re like me, you fall for the good-looking, insensitive, self-absorbed type.

But if you’re not like me and you like the strong, silent type and looks aren’t everything to you, then you’re going to love Lamon Brewster, who just gave us the first in what is inevitably going to be a long line of PSAs speaking out against dog fighting.



Strong body, soft heart. You don't have to be an asshole to be a real man, etc. etc.

That’s nice, and all, but I’m not paying attention until they get Drew Brees’ sweet ass on camera. I don’t know what he’s like behind the scenes, but I'd stop fighting pit bulls if he told me to. He’s fucking hot.


Via The Fanhouse.

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Barry Bonds: Now 1686% More Popular!

I honestly didn't think that Barry Bonds could possibly be more popular, but according to The Lycos 50 - the 50 most popular Internet searches per week - Bonds's popularity has gone up 1686 percent between the week ending July 14, 2007 and the week ending July 28, 2007.

Some of the interest has got to be people searching for memorabilia to burn. With Bonds being so close to tying and breaking Hank Aaron's home run record, expect to see "Flights to Chicago" somewhere on next week's list.

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Beckham Imposter on the Loose

I don’t know what kind of shit David Beckham had to put up with over in Europe, but here in America, we can be complete assholes when we pay big money for you to do nothing.

Just yesterday we saw the Beckham backlash start to gain momentum, with posters like the one pictured above (via The Fanhouse). And now, some guy is calling L.A. officials imitating Beckham and making a boatload of empty promises, like having underprivileged kids come to an LA Galaxy practice session.

An imposter pretending to be soccer superstar David Beckham made a dozen crank calls to county offices to chat about charity work and drop names of celebrity friends, officials said. County Public Information Officer Judy Hammond said the bogus Beckham also suggested bringing underprivileged kids to a practice session of the Los Angeles Galaxy, Beckham's new team.

Luckily for Beckham, though, those L.A. officials don't just stand around not arresting celebrities. They're busy today investigating their own laws to see if the prank calls rise to the "level of some kind of offense."

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