This Suit Is Not Black

Big Tits Not Popular in Beijing

2008-07-31T10:18:00.002-05:00

Not everyone likes big tits, apparently. News to me.

Sailing champions Ben Rhodes and Stevie Morrison will be representing their fellow Brits in Beijing this summer ... as long as they change the name of their boat (ship? whatever). You see, the guys have a tradition of naming their boats after songs. Only choosing "Jackie Big Tits" by The Kooks ain't going over so well, no matter how good of a song it is (and it's great, for the record).

Olympic officials don't think it's appropriate, although I can't imagine why. Wouldn't advertising "Big Tits" bring in more viewers? That's what FanHouse taught me this week.

Ricco Fails.

2008-07-30T14:27:00.009-05:00

Riccardo Ricco, the Italian cyclist who tested positive for EPO during the Tour de France, has come forward and apologized for his mistake. The 24-year-old made a statement after his closed-door hearing with the Italian Olympic Committee's anti-doping prosecutor Ettore Torri today.

"What I did during the Tour is done. I made a mistake and the mistake is only mine," Ricco said. "I have always won with my own legs. Unfortunately, I've made a mistake and I will pay for it."

I wonder, though, if what Ricco did qualifies as a mistake. Based on the definition of "mistake," Ricco would have had to have acted through carelessness, insufficient knowledge or a misunderstanding. I'm pretty sure that, in taking a banned substance to improve his performance, his decision was thought out and calculated and that he had a full understanding of what could happen if he were caught.

Look, there are a lot of stupid people [myself not excluded] who make mistakes on the regular, but are innocent in their actions, however dumb they may be. Ricco's decision was wrong , but should he seek sympathy by calling it a mistake?

I'd rather he just said, "Look, I'm sorry I tried to cheat." And failed.

This Is Late But I Don't Care

2008-01-29T10:17:00.000-05:00

Isiah Thomas is leaving quite a legacy in Madison Square Garden. But the Knicks' coach is apparently leaving a legacy at home as well. His 19-year-old son was arrested for underage drinking.

Joshua Thomas - known more awesomely as DJ Zeke - was arrested early last Tuesday after being treated at a Bloomington, Indiana hospital for a swollen eye. He allegedly became "belligerent" when police were asking him about how he got the injury - which came while drinking at a bar with a fake I.D. Witnesses said that Thomas, a student at Indiana University, was asked by an unidentified man if he were gay and when Thomas replied, "No," the man hit him with either a fist or a bottle.

People in Bloomington and I agree, fists look a lot like glass bottles. Regardless, Little Zeke was arrested on misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct, illegal consumption of alcohol, being a minor in a tavern and for his father shitting all over the Knicks franchise. I may or may not have made up one of those charges.

Homgren Returns

2008-01-24T15:59:00.000-05:00

I know I’m a little late on this, but Mike Holmgren announced Tuesday that he’ll be returning for one more season with the Seahawks. “This will be my last year,” he said. “We are going to make it the best year ever.”

The 59-year-old veteran of 16 seasons as an NFL head coach announced his decision Tuesday to fulfill the final year of his contract, after spending the weekend with his wife at their offseason Arizona home.

It took a whole weekend at home with his wife for him to realize he didn’t want to be there. That's sweet.

T.O. Picks Up Something...Interesting

2008-01-24T15:42:00.000-05:00

Dallas fans might soon be kicking themselves for the way they treated Jessica Simpson. And by that I mean they might be pining after her non-diseased ass.

Wide receiver Terrell Owens was spotted exchanging numbers with...wait for it...Paris Hilton on Tuesday. The ~~heirhead~~ ~~celebutard~~ retard was in Texas promoting her new "comedy" The Hottie and the Nottie (wait until it comes on cable) and she threw an after-party at the W Hotel in Highland Park Village. T.O. was in attendance and Perez Hilton says the two were seen exchanging ~~diseases~~ phones and typing in numbers.

Texas Stadium will implode before letting Paris Hilton taint its seats.

Take THAT, Dallas!

2008-01-16T14:39:00.000-05:00

Dallas Cowboy fans should knock it off, because now they've pissed off John Mayer, and nothing's scarier than a soulful guitar player with wavy lockes a mediocre singing voice...especially when he's angry.

Mayer may not have the same flair as Crissy Crocker, but that didn't stop him from sticking up for his ex, Jessica Simpson. In a stern letter to Dallas fans, some of whom blame Simpson's relationship with Tony Romo for the team's loss Sunday, Mayer urges them to direct their anger elsewhere. From "Don't Ex With Texas":

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,
this isn't a sports blog, and it isn't a publicity stunt. This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind. I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. That girl loves Texas more than you know. It's one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don't try and take that away from her.

Ah, sweet rhetoric. Always the victor.

Via The Sun.

A New Idol In Green Bay?

2007-12-31T13:32:00.000-05:00

Dare I say, "Step down, Brett Favre?" Cause there's apparently a new American Idol in town. That's right, Constantine Mouralis - the American Idol Season-something cast-off and Paula Abdul favorite. Mouralis just finished a stint at Green Bay, Wisconsin's Oneida Casino. Every Friday night from November 4th to December 28th he called the BINGO games. ...You read that correctly: the BINGO games.

Favre may be a Hall of Fame-worthy quarterback, but even he can't stand up to that kind of talent.

Via D-Listed

I Bet He Did It On Purpose

2007-11-28T20:59:00.000-05:00

Some British singer sang about his penis at last Wednesday’s EURO 2008 qualifier between Croatia and England and now Croat fans are calling for the guy to be given a Medal of Honor. True Story.

Tony Henry attempted to sing Croatia’s National Anthem but botched a line. Instead of singing the phrase, “You know, My Dear, how we love your mountains,” Henry belted out, “My Dear, my penis is a mountain.” And devoted fans soberly came to the conclusion that that’s why Croatia won the game, subsequently ending England’s hopes of advancing to EURO 2008 next June.

Croat players like Manchester City's Vedran Corluka and Arsenal target Luka Modric started looking at each other and grinning when they realised what he was singing.

Croat fan websites have been calling for Henry to be given a medal of honour for helping the players relax, they also want him made an official team mascot for the tournament.

Listen, I’m a fan of the penis just as much as the next Croatian, but even I have to draw the line at the Medal of Honor, EURO 2008 or no EURO 2008.

Dream a Little Dream

2007-11-26T13:29:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I hate being in New York. And you know why? For the same damn reason everyone else in the country hates being in Boston. The sports fans. Because now, with the final game of the season approaching, I have the privilege of hearing Giants fans clucking behind cubicle walls about how their team is going to take down the Patriots in Week 16. With five weeks to go, I'm already sick of hearing it.

And here’s why.

TV Sucks. Here's Why

2007-11-20T11:53:00.000-05:00

The roster has been announced for The Donald’s upcoming show Celebrity Apprentice, and to be honest, that word "celebrity" is used in the loosest possible terms. Like any of these “celebrity” reality shows, it’s mainly filled up with has-beens and publicity whores.

Remember Jennie Finch? Of course you don't…at least, not for anything she’s done since the 2004 Athens Olympics when she was hot and led the softball team to its third straight gold medal in Athens while being a hot girl. New York is more of a celebrity then Finch, which disgusts me just as much as you'd imagine.

The other celebrity athletes include Ultimate Fighting Champion Tito Ortiz – that’s fine, but more people have seen his girlfriend’s fah-gina than any of his fights; Nadia Comaneci (who?) - the first gymnast ever to be awarded a perfect score of 10 at an Olympic event. It was in Montreal. And it was in 1976. Finally, there’s boxer Lennox Lewis - I won’t argue with this one as he’s the most famous of the athletes. Plus, I’m scared to say anything bad about him.

Screw TV for making these F-List shows that I get addicted to. Using the term “celebrity” is such a fucking tease. They make me hate myself.
That being said, my money’s on Tiffany Fallon, aka Playboy's 2005 Playmate of they year, as the first person to go home. Any takers?

Vick's In Jail!

2007-11-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

It's almost like Christmas came early here at This Suit Is Not Black. Michael Vick took everyone by surprise and turned himself in to U.S. Marshalls three weeks early to begin serving his prison sentence. The Atlanta quarterback was expected in court December 10th to find out exactly how much time he'd be spending behind bars, but he decided to head in early.

There's plenty of possible reasons for his decision - to get leniency from the judge during sentencing, to avoid the holiday with the family. Hell, out of boredom. But, jokes aside, Vick may have made a fairly decent decision here. He's facing up to five years in prison, which in Federal sentencing speak usually means he'll only get anywhere from 12 to 18 months behind bars. If he Vick starts serving now - as opposed to waiting for December - and he gets sentenced to the 18 months, he would be out in mid-May 2009 with two months to get ready for training camp.

It sounds like there was a decent amount of thought behind this decision, which clearly discounts Vick as having a part in it. Past actions prove that he has trouble seeing the "big picture."

A Special Announcement

2007-11-12T10:36:00.001-05:00

I would like to take this time to wish a Happy Birthday to a very special, very important person in my life: me.

Without me, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I truly hope that all my wishes come true and that I have a very blessed, special and happy birthday.

Isn't Her Sister a Designer?

2007-11-08T14:38:00.000-05:00

The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) and the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour announced yesterday the selection and funding of women's leadership programs in Cameroon, Liberia, China, Jordan, and the Dominican Republic. There will also be a new global advertising campaign that will promote the goal of gender equality.

And in Spain Wednesday to help launch the effort was Venus Williams, who did her own promotion of gender equality by dressing like a man. Seriously...she sported jeans with a blazer-tshirt combo and what looks like no make up at all.

Her sister Serena, you know - the designer - must have been appalled when she saw what Venus looked like. Normally the two try so hard to cover up their manliness. What's the deal?

Images via Bossip

How Do You Say “Curse” En Espanyol?

2007-11-07T20:14:00.001-05:00

Remember that whole “Madden Curse” thing? It’s gone international.

Just when we thought we were in the clear with Vince Young remaining healthy, EA Sports decided to go and help the NFL’s attempt to take over the world. The video game company announced a Spanish version of Madden 08 last month. The only difference - besides, of course, the language - is the cover. Young was replace by Chargers defensive end Luis Castillo. He’s Spanish, you see, like the people who will be playing the game.

So besides celebrating a 4-4 record, what’s Castillo up to now?

Why, he’s out for six weeks following surgery on his ankle Monday.

And the curse lives.

The Colts Cheated Did Not Cheat?

2007-11-05T16:42:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure if the Patriots thought that this was going to help their image at all, but they were the latest organization to complain about the Colts piping in crowd noise at the RCA Dome Sunday. Jonathan Kraft even approached the NFL Vice President of Security about the issue after the game. And he apparently wasn't the only one who noticed:

Observers at the game said there seemed to be a "skip" in the sound during the game Sunday, which the Patriots won 24-20. That might confirm the long-held suspicion among many people in the NFL that the Colts play loud crowd noise to help distract opponents when the other team is on offense.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said that the league was aware of the complaints and was looking into the situation. And after doing so, it seems that CBS stepped up to the plate and took the blame for the Colts after audio of the "crowd CD" skipping hit the web. Quothe Aiello:

CBS has informed us that the unusual audio moment heard by fans during the Patriots-Colts game was the result of tape feedback in the CBS production truck and was isolated to the CBS broadcast. It was in no way related to any sound within the stadium and could not be heard in the stadium.

That still doesn't explain the "observers at the game" complaining of hearing the noise skip. Whatever. All I know is that Colts fans can't possibly be so loud, what with shoveling food into their mouths.

Believe what you want, but whether it's the Patriots are cheating or their opponents, they're still going to win. Just bend over and wait till it's all over, guys.

Is A-Rod Really That Greedy?

2007-11-02T14:01:00.000-05:00

I don't understand why Alex Rodriguez is made out to be the bad guy in negotiations with the New York Yankees. Honestly, the guy's demands weren't all that outrageous.

Oh. Nevermind.

Sources are telling ESPN that Rodriguez opted out of his contract with the Yanks because their offer fell juuuuuuuust short of what he and agent Scott Boras were looking for. About $100 million short.

The source told the World Wide Leader that the team was willing to offer Rodriguez an extension close "to five years and $150 million to begin at the conclusion of his 2008-2010 contract, through which he would have earned $81 million. [This proposal would have made A-Rod] about $230 million over eight years, and during the last five years of the contract, sources say, he would have earned the highest annual salary in Major League Baseball history." Nope, not for our little A-Rod. Boras told the team that they would have to offer up an extension that would equal at least $350 million total or no talkie.

Because being the highest played ball player with a new luxury jet just isn't enough for the man who averaged 0.157 at the plate in his last three post season appearances.

They're Calling it the "Mississippi Miracle"

2007-10-31T08:58:00.000-05:00

This is a big fat way-to-go to Division III programs all over the country that constantly get overlooked. Remember when California used 5 lateral passes to beat Stanford in 1982? Trinity University did the same thing against Millsaps College Saturday...plus 10.

With 2 seconds left, Trinity snapped the ball at its own 40 and won the game 62 seconds later. Just watch:

15 lateral passes, Trinity won the game, 28-24. This is actually kind of how we played football in my backyard as a kid.

We're Gonna Go Streaking!

2007-10-29T14:08:00.000-05:00

From what I've read (I wasn't able to fly out for the game), it's easy to assume that this was the most entertaining part of the Giants-Dolphins game Sunday.

Kudos to the cracker jack response by security. It was fun to watch the Giants stand around and watch the show.

Via Pop Jocks

College Kids Have to Write an Essay

2007-10-23T12:05:00.000-05:00

Seven Red Sox fans were ordered to write a five-page essay explaining what they learned from their experience of being arrested after the Sox won the ALCS Sunday night. They were among 26 people (shockingly made up of mostly college kids) who got charged with disorderly conduct. Apparently they ignored the police when asked to clear the area around Fenway Park after the game.

You see, the problem here is that this punishment is deceptively dangerous. It's enticing...like that "Who do you think you are?" question I used to get from my mom that always ended with me being grounded. If the disorderly conduct didn't get these kids fined, I'm guessing that at least one - maybe four - of these letters will.

So You're Saying it's a Big Deal...

2007-10-19T11:40:00.000-05:00

If you're like me - and most people in this country - you're blissfully unaware that tomorrow is the Rugby World Cup Finals in France between England and South Africa. Apparently, though, it's kind of a big deal. People know rugby. And they take it very seriously.

Case-in-point: This dashing playboy for the English squad is Jonny Wilkinson and he's the current World Cup points leader with 243. That's quite an accomplishment...but I wasn't aware that it was enough of an accomplishment to warrant three armed guards. Silly American. When the match-winner headed out of his hotel Tuesday, he took with him one guard in his car and two on motorcycles behind him to make sure that he was safe.

I'll stay away from the obvious joke here about how his tough, hot and probably really tight ass should be able to defend itself to point the more important thing: these guards I'm talking about...their day job? Guarding the French President.

A Sit-Down With Kimberly Bell

2007-10-15T12:48:00.000-05:00

I got to speak with Kimberly Bell last week. Barry Bonds’ ex-girlfriend. Not ex-mistress, she’ll have you know. He was in the midst of a divorce when they met. She dated Bonds from 1994 to 2003 and was called as a witness in 2005 as part of the whole grand jury fiasco. After Bell took the stand, some nasty things were said about her in the media and so she did what any self-respecting woman would do. She took her naked body Nationwide to clear her good name. Unfortunately for her, though, most of my questions were about Bonds. She can clear her good name elsewhere. Enjoy.

You were approached by David Hans Schmidt about the Playboy deal, had you ever thought about doing anything like that before?

You know I had some contact with Playboy a couple years earlier, but I didn’t feel it was the right time – it was right after testifying for the grand jury and I just wanted to wait and see what was going to happen with that. But, you know, I waited 3 years or so and said nothing, and so, to have all these people saying just awful things about me that I felt I had a…a right to defend myself and Playboy gave me a platform to do that.

I know that you talked to David Hans Schmidt a few days before he passed away…

Yea, I likely spoke to him the day that he did what he had done, and I feel really awful. I mean, he’s got daughters. My condolences to them for sure.

I understand that you lost money because of Schmidt. Has Playboy offered you any more?

No, but they’ve been really good to me aside from that. I mean, they had had several dealings with David Hans Schmidt prior and I had only known David for about a month, but they’ve been really good and I know…this whole thing took them back as well. David spent my Playboy money…but he felt really remorseful about that, really regretted having done that, he felt really bad, but it was already done. …All he could do was offer me an apology.

Barry reportedly putting together a legal team to file a lawsuit against Curt Schilling because of some comments he made (which he has since apologized for). Were you ever worried that [Bonds] would file a suit against you?

No, because I’m telling the truth, and so I really don’t have any concern about that. I’m not really sure what somebody thinks they’re going to sue me for. You know, when you tell the truth, your story doesn’t change so I really don’t have any concern about that. I think that I read recently that they decided not to file any charges against me or file a lawsuit and I know it’s because I just really don’t believe they have a leg to stand on.

Is there anything in the article that you look back on and think, “Oh, geez…maybe I shouldn’t have said that?”

No, I mean, I told the truth and these were questions that were asked of me so especially regarding the physical changes that occurred. I mean, I probably would phrase things differently myself, but I mean, I think that people want it to be very salacious and want to talk about, you know, the size of things and so forth. I mean, it kind of makes me uncomfortable to do that as well, but these were some of the questions that were asked of me by the grand jury. I mean, they want details and they want you to be very specific, so that’s kind of how that got out there like that.

Bonds admitted to you in 1999 that he had used steroids…

Yea, between the ’98 and ’99 seasons he told me he used them and it was because he had this enormous tumor-like lump on his elbow and it was an injury that he was going to have to have surgery on and he told me that that had occurred because he had used steroids. It caused the muscles and the tendons to grow a lot faster than the joint could handle.

Do you know how long he had been using steroids at that point?

You know, putting all the pieces together now, that was about the same time he began training with Greg Anderson, and that’s who is currently serving time for refusing to testify in front of the grand jury.

You say you don’t know how anyone couldn’t have noticed that Bonds was using steroids. But did you ever talk to other players or their wives or girlfriends who suspected at all?

No. You know, Barry keeps his distance from a lot of his teammates anyway, so when we would travel together it was just kind of he and I being separated from the rest of the people. He didn’t have a lot- I wouldn’t call them “friends” on the team. He didn’t have a lot of friends. He pretty much kept to himself a lot. So other than Greg Anderson, you know, we were only surrounded by various hired people. And those were his trainers and all the people that joined him on the road.

I remember watching when he hit his 700th home run, the fans were going crazy for him, you know, they love him in San Francisco, and then he walks down into the dugout, all the way to the end by himself and it didn’t look like any of his teammates were excited for him or anything. What about his relationship with his teammates? Is the isolation just his personality or maybe the steroids did something to affect that?

Well, he alienated himself from a lot of people on the team and a lot of it was by his [own doing]. You know, everybody else had one locker, he had like three or four. Everybody else had to sit on benches in the locker room, and he had a big massaging recliner and big screen TV. So, by putting himself in the separate category, he’s going to separate himself from the group in that respect.

…And he had a lot of very public fights with players, including Jeff Kent was a big one. They got in a couple physical altercations. You know, they were fighting for who was gonna bat third or fourth and, you know, who was the best player on the team and eventually Jeff Kent left.

This is more in the wake of things like the Chris Benoit tragedy, but looking back on the comments Bonds used to make to you, i.e. “I’m going to cut your head off and leave you in a ditch,” do you think the drugs actually made him capable of doing something like that?

When I first met him it was during the O.J. trial, so I mean, you certainly understand that people are capable of doing all kinds of things. And so, the threats he made before, you know, five minutes later he was the nicest guy in the world, so I kind of let it go and would write it off as he was having a bad day or something else is going on. But eventually, when he choked me in the hotel room that day, that’s when I knew it was very real. That he was actually capable of being physically violent with me. His first wife had filed some charges against him and apparently they didn’t stick or she may have dropped the charges, but it’s been questionable with him before, but he had never done something like that until a month before the whole relationship ended, which was also during the time when he was using steroids.

What triggered the incident?

I was 20 minutes late, and that was the reason. I was supposed to meet him somewhere, I was flying all the way from Arizona to California…and I got off the elevator and I go running to the room, I’m breaking a sweat doing it. The door was already propped open and I walked in and he just gripped me by the throat, spun me around and pressed his, you know, linebacker sized body into mine and whispered in my ear, “You ever bleeping do this again and I’ll kill you.” And I just remember thinking he had never laid his hands on me before. And personally, I’ve never had a man do that, so I knew that was a line that I would never allow somebody to cross with me. But we weren’t living near each other at that point and one month later is when he told me I needed to disappear.

Do you know if he’s still on steroids or if he’s taken himself off of them?

I think that they’re doing a lot more checking nowadays and this investigation is ongoing – there’s still a steroid probe, there’s still a grand jury investigation into him. But he did get into trouble a couple of years ago for using amphetamines. Maybe two or three years ago, and he ended up saying that he thought that they were skittles. He blamed it on them being skittles in someone else’s locker and so he took them and ate them. That was his story at the time.

Marc Ecko recently bought Barry’s home run ball and let fans vote on what to do with it. What would you have voted…to bestow it, brand it or ban it?

I think branding, I think it’s a brilliant idea, I really do. It’s still a part of history, but the fact that Marc Ecko chose to do this, you know, he let the fans decide this. Barry called the guy a lot of names and I feel sad about that, but he let the fans decide and ultimately it’s these fans that are going to decide the fate of all these things and the records and getting somebody into the Hall of Fame. You know, to a degree, they paid his salary. So I think it should be up to the fans to decide.

Cheater.

2007-10-09T15:55:00.000-05:00

I don't like to divulge my political affiliation - I've been burned for that in the past - but I will say that I don't trust politicians...so this story doesn't surprise me in the least.

Former Mexican Presidential Candidate Roberto Madrazo, who won the Berlin Marathon for his age group with a time of 2:41:12, has been disqualified because he cheated. And no, this isn't a story of steroid use. Being 55-years-old, Madrazo was old school about it and just decided to skip a bunch of miles.

Race officials said Monday they disqualified him for apparently taking a short cut -- an electronic tracking chip indicates he skipped two checkpoints in the race and would have needed superhuman speed to achieve his win.

According to the chip, Madrazo took only 21 minutes to cover nine miles -- faster than any human can run. "Not even the world record holder can go that fast," race director Mark Milde said.

I've been training for the New York Marathon, so I can empathize with Madrazo...cutting your run short is very enticing. But you have to stop being so greedy. You see, even if I did cut out nine miles, I still wouldn't be close to winning. Nobody would have noticed. You've gotta be smart, man. I mean, Fourth or fifth place at least and you could have been home free. They probably only double check the medalists.

Via The Fanhouse

I Was Going to Avoid this Whole Thing...

2007-10-09T08:49:00.001-05:00

But then Gossip went and done did something awesome.

Um...she'd win.

Chris Henry Might Want to Pay Up

2007-10-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

I know that times are hard for Chris Henry right now, what with the suspension, et cetera, et cetera. But things could get a lot worse if he doesn’t clear up that whole “stolen rental car” thing. He could end up like rapper Beanie Sigel.

Investigators said Sigel rented a 2007 Nissan Altima from Payless Car Rental in Southwest Philadelphia on July 23 - even though he has a suspended driver's license. The Altima was due back at Payless, located on Norwitch Drive near 70th Street, on Aug. 13.

Sigel never returned the car or contacted Payless, which continued to charge his credit card. Payless officials reported the car stolen on Sept. 6, police said.

Someone returned the Altima - which now had a $5,000 late fee attached - to Payless [Friday] morning, just as detectives went to Sigel's home in Lansdale to arrest him.

Sigel’s attorney says “there was some misunderstanding over when it was to be returned or whether or not payment was continuing to be made. We’re working out a time for him to surrender on Monday.”

This sounds awfully familiar to Henry’s “I didn’t know if I was paying or my insurance company was paying” excuse. I’m just saying, he might want to make sure it gets all cleared up before he’s heading in to surrender to police and giving up what’s left of the season when he gets back from his suspension.

These Shoes are Made for...Sports?

2007-10-08T15:34:00.000-05:00

I watched this video over at With Leather in awe this morning and I’ll admit that when I first saw the title “Stiletto Racing,” I imagined a bunch of chicks tip toeing it down the street. But I was wrong - and, I won’t lie – a little impressed. How there wasn’t a casualty, I don’t know. I can’t walk 10 feet in sneakers without spraining an ankle.

That being said, I started searching youtube for an old shoe commercial in which women play a game of basketball in pumps. Instead, with a mixture of surprise and delight, I found this:

Please keep in mind, guys, that this is only a trailer. There’s much more where this display of athleticism - and who knows what else - came from. Pay attention, WNBA, and your ratings could sky rocket.

Other suggested sports to be played in stilettos:
Women’s Lacrosse
Women’s Field Hockey
Women’s Softball
Men’s Gymnastics

Come to a "Premeir" Party

2007-10-05T10:25:00.000-05:00

This is the invitation to the I Love New York Premiere Party. Spelled "Premiere" not "Premeir." It's also being held in New Jersey. Totowa, to be exact. I know this isn't sports, but I'm obsessed with this chick. She's like a bad car wreck that you just can't take your eyes away from. I think she designed this herself.

This Bitch Got Leveled

2007-09-27T15:48:00.000-05:00

Women, this is what will happen to you if you try to get on the field with men. They are bigger, faster and stronger. They built the Eiffel Tower. With metal, and braun. It's called "survival of the fittest" and it's coming after your ass.

http://view.break.com/372581 - Watch more free videos

She would have been wise to listen to her teammates and stay down. Wiser, still, if she hadn't played at all.

Stupid woman.

[With Leather]

Nike's New Sneaker Line

2007-09-26T12:30:00.000-05:00

Nike announced a new sneaker line Tuesday that’s specifically designed for American Indians. From MSNBC:

The Air Native N7 is designed with a larger fit for the distinct foot shape of American Indians, and has a culturally specific look. It will be distributed solely to American Indians; tribal wellness programs and tribal schools nationwide will be able to purchase the shoe at wholesale price and then pass it along to individuals, often at no cost.

I wasn’t aware that there was a growing health issue with American Indians, specifically. I kind of thought it was the whole country, but that's fine. I just want to know what Adrianne Curry thinks of all this.

Besides, give them an inch and they’ll take a mile, is what I say. Next thing you know, they’ll be demanding they’re own land to build casinos with the hopes of ~~taking all of our hard-earned money~~ taking back some of what we stole from them fair and square.

The Bobcats Got Their Website. Finally

2007-09-18T15:36:00.000-05:00

It's no lie, I don't have a lot of faith in the brain power of women when it comes to...well, anything, really - but especially sports and business. So you can imagine my shock when I learned that some woman, from rural Montana no less (they have the Internet already?), was able to fool the Charlotte Bobcats into giving her upwards of $50,000 for the rights to www.bobcats.com.

"It's called business," said Barbara Roe, owner of Bitterroot Bobcat and Lynx in Stevensville, a town of 1,500 people located in the Bitterroot Valley of western Montana. "It's what you do. If you have a business somebody wants, you capitalize on it."

Roe said her business had used Bobcats.com for 10 years. She started receiving e-mails from Bobcats team officials in 2004 -- the team's first season -- about purchasing the name.

"They began at a couple of thousand dollars, but they wouldn't meet my price," said Roe.

It took the collective minds at an NBA franchise three years to come to terms with a woman who breeds large cats for a living. They don't deserve a website.

Via The Fanhouse.

Hey, It's a Championship

2007-09-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

I'm very aware that most people in the country don't watch the WNBA - and that most likely, even fewer kids know it exists than can find the United States on a map - but a championship is a championship, so here you go: the Phoenix Mercury beat the Detroit Shock in Game 5 of the WNBA Finals Sunday night.

In what must have been a blazing demonstration of the greatest fundamentals the game has ever seen, the Mercury pulled out a 108-92 win and brought the title home to Arizona, giving the state a sense of pride that the Suns, Diamondbacks and whatever hockey team is down there haven't been unable to do as of late. The win also marks the first time in the 11-year history of the WNBA that a team has won the title on the road.

Congratulations, Phoenix. Even though it was women that got you a title.

Gamers: Tougher Than you Think

2007-09-18T08:54:00.000-05:00

It's time to stop looking down on those losers at Halo tournaments. They're athletes just like everyone else, subject to injury, disease and even death. A 30-year-old Chinaman who is suspected of dying from exhaustion brought on by a three-day Internet binge.

The 30-year-old man fainted at a cybercafe in the city of Guangzhou on Saturday afternoon after he ha been playing games online for three days, the Beijing News reported.

Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe, it said. The paper said that he may have died from exhaustion brought on by too many hours on the Internet.

Seriously, Internet nerds are such pussies (and in no way am I excluding myself from that statement). We've got nothing on rockstars. Hell, Amy Winehouse finished off a night of heroin, ecstasy and cocaine with horse tranquilizers and survived. This guy surfs porn and collapses in an cybercafe of all places. Nothing about that makes him cool.

R.I.P. Adam Finley

2007-09-10T10:50:00.000-05:00

It's a sad day in the world of blogging, as one of our own has passed away. Adam Finley, writer of Raise Your Children My Way Damnit and a contributer at tvsquad.com was tragically struck by a bus last Thursday in Minneapolis while riding his bike. He died at just 30-years-old.

I can do no justice, so please head over to tvsquad.com and read a touching memorial written for Finley by those who knew him and his work best.

Warning: Social Commentary Ahead

2007-09-06T16:26:00.000-05:00

I’m not one for social commentary on this site, because most of the time I just don’t care. But unfortunately, I can’t help but be disgusted when I see this video that was featured on With Leather and Kissing Suzy Kolber earlier today. And, frankly, if Shaquille O’Neal can care about childhood obesity while contemplating an impending divorce, I can care about it while doing, well, nothing.

One time, Ellen DeGeneres made fun of how people eating popcorn in movie theaters - shoveling it in by the handful. Not this Colt’s fan. This kid completely threw all caution and dining etiquette to the wind and dove in face-first like he was eating from a trough (close, though it may be). I honestly couldn't tell if the crowd was cheering for this kid or for the actual game.

Blame his parents. They should be ashamed.

50 Cent was the Vick Snitch

2007-09-06T11:15:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well. Lookee what we have here: Guess who it was that got Michael Vick into all this trouble.

[She's still the best, though.]

Goldberg Talks Kitty in View Debut

2007-09-04T18:39:00.000-05:00

I don't watch The View - although, from what I've learned it's a great show - but I did get to see a clip of Whoopi Goldberg's debut – in case you weren't aware, she's taking Rosie O'Donnell's place in the "comedian who used to overcome her looks with a crowd-friendly persona turned militant activist who everyone hates" role. Her first course of action? Defending wearied dog killer Michael Vick. When you break it down, Whoops isn't telling us anything Jamie Foxx hasn't already touched on, but she brings a new angle into it: "eating kitty." (stop laughing)

Goldberg compares Vick's "antics" to people in China eating cats and dogs, saying, "You know, from his background, this is not an unusual thing for where he comes from," i.e. the deep south, and that "you and I would be really pissed if somebody at kitty." (stop laughing)

Unfortunately, while you can pick up fried cat in the drive through in China, you're not going to walk down a street in broad daylight anywhere in the south, smiling and waving at the nice gentlemen throwing money down on the dogs. Because, you see, they're hiding. From the police. And PETA.

Culture or not, Vick got caught doing something illegal. He's paying the price for it. C'est la vie.

I just wish these talk show bitches would shut up and start leaving social commentary to our society's true humanitarians.

Lance Briggs' Actions "Exceedingly Dumb"

2007-08-29T12:27:00.000-05:00

Lance Briggs wrapped his brand new Lamborghini around a street sign the other night and fled the scene of the accident only to later call police and turn himself in. According to some Chicago area legal expert, Briggs’ actions were "exceedingly dumb".

“'Leaving the scene and lying to the police is exceedingly dumb.”
~Chicago area legal expert

“Exceedingly dumb.” Really? I mean, I'm no expert on law - or, well, anything for that matter - but I would call Briggs' actions absolutely fucking brilliant.

Let’s break this down real quick: I’m going to assume that Briggs had been drinking – because I can and because I think you’re a fool not to – and instead of sitting around, getting slapped with a DUI, a suspension, a soiled reputation and all the other consquences that stem from drunk driving, Briggs faces one misdemeanor, two traffic citations, and no discipline from his team or the league (as of yet). Add to that the handshakes and hugs because he’s not hurt and the fact that police can’t prove he had been drinking, and things seem to be wrapping up into a nice. Little. Package.

Granted, Briggs admitted to lying to police, but he’s already apologized to appease the masses. He cooperated and accepted the charges and is due in court October 4th. All-in-all, had Briggs stayed with the car, he would have been a lot worse off right now.

In What Kind of a World Does this Happen?

2007-08-29T11:58:00.000-05:00

It must say a lot about the condition of the world we live in when a lot of people can learn from something Ron Artest says. I don’t know how it happened, but the Kings forward appeared well-spoken and compassionate while answering questions at a promotion for the Wheelchair Charities Hoop Game on Tuesday.

"I might get in trouble for this, but I want to call him," he said. "I want to support him and be there for him because [these are] tough times," continued Artest. "I don't support the dog fighting. I can't watch it. I can't imagine another dog biting a dog. It makes me nauseous."

I'm sorry, what? I just blacked out.

Via The Big Lead.

David Beckham's Not Smarter than a Fifth Grader

2007-08-27T09:28:00.000-05:00

I wasn't aware of this - what with not living in Britain and all - but the Brits have a nickname for David and Posh Beckham: "Thick and Thin." And now I know why.

When asked recently about helping his son with his third grade homework, Beckham said, “Their homework is so hard these days. It's totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school, and you know I was like 'Oh my God, I can't do this'."

Teached? Posh better rethink that idea of having another child anytime soon. It would be tough, what with already having four to take care of.

Well, Well, Well.

2007-08-23T14:42:00.000-05:00

I don't want to name names. So for this exercise we'll call her B. Moynahan. Wait, that might be too obvious. Let's say Bridget M.

Yea, that's better.

It seems that Bridget M. may have read a certain someone's blog yesterday and decided to act accordingly. Smart decision.

Love,
New England.

Moynahan Wants to Ruin Opening Day for New England

2007-08-22T10:12:00.000-05:00

You can't hate on a guy for wanting to be around for the birth of his baby - there's too many of them out there who couldn't care less, after all - but I have to wonder why Pats qb Tom Brady couldn't have planned a little better. And then I remembered it was a mistake.

Regardless, Brady's ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan seems to be waiting for the start of the season to give birth. Honestly, she's holding that thing in as long as she can. And because of it, Brady may need to be excused from the team during the beginning of the season to be at the birth. Seriously, if Moynahan wanted to slip one passed the goalie, that's fine, but does she have to hold all of New England hostage as well?

Not to mention, I've got tickets to the Jets-Pats opener on September 9th, and if Moynahan waits until that weekend to pop this kid out, she better get the hell out of New York. And fast.

When Traveling Goes Bad.

2007-08-21T12:20:00.000-05:00

I always thought Ultimate Frisbee was when a bunch of hippies ran up and down a field in an attempt to play a sport. I have never been more wrong.

Two Swiss students on holiday [in Budapest] played frisbee with an object they found on a beach unaware it was a live land mine.
A lifeguard watching stopped them and immediately called the police. A bomb squad then arrived to make safe what turned out to be an old Soviet 6 kilogrammes anti-tank mine.

If you ever end up going to Budapest (god knows why), I suggest sticking with the spas. If they're clean.

CBS is Smart

2007-08-21T10:05:00.000-05:00

Being able to earn from your mistakes is key to growing as a person. If you've ever been sued or taken to court for an action, you're most likely not going to said action again (with clear exceptions to every rule). CBS had to fire radio and TV personality Don Imus for racial slurs he made toward the Rutgers women's basketball team in April, and they've replaced him withformer NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason and announcer Craig Carton.

Carton was sued in 1997 by the Philadelphia Flyers for saying one of its players missed a game because he was hung over, not hurt. He's also been amidst numerous controversies while working with a morning show in New Jersey, stemming back to 2005. The problems included allegedly targeting hispanics in a campaign called "La Cucha Gotcha," (a play on La Cucaracha) to report suspicious people to immigration authorities; telling women suffering from postpartum depression to smoke marijuana instead of "putting their babies in the microwave;" and saying "Chinese [people] should never dictate the outcome of an American election, Americans should" during a conversation about Asians voting in America [second audio clip here]. Carton has even been described as "a guy who's managed to insult almost every community around," by New Jersey Assemblyman Wilfredo Caraballo.

May I wish you luck, CBS, on your endeavor to clean up your programming. But I just don't see this ending well.

Via The Debriefing.

Sharapova's a Grunter, Not a Screamer

2007-08-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

You’d think that with the way she grunts and moans all the way through a tennis match, that Maria Sharapova would be loud in other aspects of life, too. Not so much, says Maroon 5 frontman, Adam Levine, who broke up with Sharapova because she is too quiet in bed.

She wouldn’t make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration'.

This totally blows my image of Sharapova. I’m shocked that she – or anyone, for that matter – wanted to have sex with Adam Levine.

And let's give her the benefit of the doubt here...I wouldn't want his whiney-ass voice in my ear, either.

Nothing Comes Easy for Pac Man!

2007-08-16T12:07:00.000-05:00

First, the NFL gets all up in Pac Man Jones' personal affairs and suspends him for the 2007 season because of a few little gun problems. Then, the Titans tried to tell him that wrestling during his suspension would violate his contract. And now, the league is attacking him on a creative level!

The cornerback has started National Street League Records and plans to record in a group called Posterboyz with a rapper named Spoaty. He actually mentioned his label before his suspension (note the long hair still intact), but more info's come out recently. "I went within myself to find a place to release my talents while I filter through my career from all of the things that have taken place around me," Jones said. "I find tranquility in writing lyrics, establishing my company and preparing for my promo tour in mid September. Looking from the outside in, I have been the example for many to see the poster child if you will; and from that sentiment the 'Posterboyz' group name was born." We're not quite sure what, exactly, Pac Man is a poster boy for, but that's not the problem. According to the AP, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello says the league is looking into whether or not the name "National Street League Records" infringes on the NFL's trademark.

Honestly, guys...the label is almost a guaranteed failure. You really need to learn to pick your battles

Via The Debriefing.

Fret Not: Kobe's Not Getting Divorced

2007-08-09T15:45:00.000-05:00

LA Laker Kobe Bryant wants the world to know that he's not getting a divorce! And he proved it by touting his $4 million ring around town with his wife attached.

The couple were seen leaving a high-end LA hot spot (because money equals happiness) Wednesday night, looking as happy as ever. Rumors surfaced earlier this week that the two were ending their six-year marriage because things weren't getting better after that whole "rape case" thing. Kobe's been strongly denying the rumor ever since it started.

Honestly, did you think he'd walk out on an investment like that?

Alba's Got the Herp!

2007-08-09T15:30:00.001-05:00

Hate to break it to you guys, but Jessica Alba regularly refills her prescription for Valtrex. You know, that medicine that people with herpes use.

Well, according to Alba’s ex’s friend’s friend at LA Rag, Alba got the herp from none other than Yankees golden boy, Derek Jeter.

Are you doing a quick list in your head of all the girls he “dated?” I’ve never been happier to say that I’m not one of them.

Herpes. The gift that keeps on giving.

Cycling Just Got More Interesting

2007-08-09T13:39:00.000-05:00

I really don't even know what I want to say here. But, please, give your thoughts in the comments.

Via D-Listed.

Honestly, Officer, the Mets Made Me Do It!

2007-08-08T15:41:00.000-05:00

I’m pretty good at controlling my anger. Okay, that’s complete bullshit. I’m awful at controlling my anger. Especially when it comes to losing. I fucking hate losing. But not as much as Michael Anthony, the 26-year-old Queens native who killed his mom after the Mets lost to the Nationals 6-5 Saturday night.

"[My father and I] started fighting [after the game] and my mother jumped in," he said, adding that she took a knife from the kitchen of the Fresh Meadows home. "I took the knife from her and it got stuck in her head."

[His mom] then fled to the bedroom, where Anthony said he thought she was going for a weapon in a dresser drawer. "I grabbed a weight from the top of the dresser, swung it, hit her and she fell to the floor," Anthony said.

It honestly sounds like he was completely passive in this whole thing. The knife and the weight did all the work. But if he did do it on purpose, I’m not saying he should have killed her. But I understand.

(bam)

Stripper Saves Client's Life

2007-08-08T13:03:00.000-05:00

Well, shit. Who’d of thought a stripper would be the one to lend credibility to the fairer sex? Apparently they can use their mouths for, well, other things too. A stripper saved one of her client’s lives using CPR.

Karnesha Nantz went to the Port St. Lucie home of Daniel Karpisnki to entertain the 46-year-old. Nantz said she noticed Karpinski had lost consciousness and stopped breathing. "I began doing CPR," Nantz said. "I did about three cycles of CPR and basically called 911 to see if I was doing it correctly, and also to have the ambulance rushed to the scene."

I would love to hear the tape from that 911 call. Regardless, Karpinski was treated and released from the hospital and says he considers Nantz his hero.

I still consider her a slut.

Thanks, Steve!!

So You Think You Can Dance?

2007-08-08T12:21:00.000-05:00

It will never be dull in Cincinnati as long as Chad Johnson is around. At the very least, he'll serve as entertainment while Chris Henry's on leave. The Bengals wide receiver is hosting a dance contest.

It's his "Touchdown Celebration Showdown" during which fans submit a video up to 30 seconds long of their own dances, flips, or whatever they can come up with. You have until August 20th to submit the video and voting will run from August 22nd to September 4th. The winner, who may win a trip to meet Johnson, will be announced September 6th.

Johnson's already entered his own video as an example of the kind of sweet-ass moves you should hope to emmulate:

Create Your Own PaloozaHead - Visit Lollapalooza.com

From www.cincyjungle.com. Via The Big Lead

See? Paternity Suits Can be Fun!

2007-08-07T16:10:00.000-05:00

Sure, paternity suits can suck your wallet dry and drag your good name through the mud, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be entertaining! Like here. And here, for example. And Eddie Murphy and the Spice Girl.

Well, now the WWE wants in on the fun, and that’s why the no-longer-dead Vince McMahon got slapped with a paternity suit on Monday Night Raw. Well, that and the fact that they need to run as far away from the whole "death in the WWE" concept as they can.

But I really think they should run with this story line. It would be a perfect opportunity to get Kevin Federline involved again.

The Real Life Scenario Jake Brown

2007-08-06T16:18:00.000-05:00

We've all seen this video:

Jake Brown Falls Over 50ft At X-Games - Watch more free videos

During the broadcast, Jake Brown's fall was compared to jumping out of a building onto the sidewalk and walking away. Well, meet Matthew Savage, who did just that Friday.

Matthew Savage, 17, was reaching up to a balcony one floor above to grab a bathing suit that had fluttered down from the 11th floor when he tumbled over the railing Friday.

The teen, from Gainesville, Ga., hit other balconies on his way down and slammed onto a slanted rooftop, then slid into bushes.

Savage tried to walk back to his hotel room, but paramedics strapped him to a board and took him to the hospital. Tests showed he was fine.

Baseball Players are Pansies

2007-08-03T09:48:00.001-05:00

With NFL training camps well underway and fantasy leagues coming together amidst Barry Bonds ruining the baseball season, it’s time to revisit a classic. Time, if you will, to remember why football’s so fucking awesome.

This is George Carlin from 1990 comparing the difference between baseball and football. And basically, pointing out what a bunch of bitches baseball players really are.

Here Come the PSAs

2007-08-03T09:32:00.000-05:00

Ladies, if you’re like me, you fall for the good-looking, insensitive, self-absorbed type.

But if you’re not like me and you like the strong, silent type and looks aren’t everything to you, then you’re going to love Lamon Brewster, who just gave us the first in what is inevitably going to be a long line of PSAs speaking out against dog fighting.

Strong body, soft heart. You don't have to be an asshole to be a real man, etc. etc.

That’s nice, and all, but I’m not paying attention until they get Drew Brees’ sweet ass on camera. I don’t know what he’s like behind the scenes, but I'd stop fighting pit bulls if he told me to. He’s fucking hot.

Via The Fanhouse.

Barry Bonds: Now 1686% More Popular!

2007-08-02T15:26:00.000-05:00

I honestly didn't think that Barry Bonds could possibly be more popular, but according to The Lycos 50 - the 50 most popular Internet searches per week - Bonds's popularity has gone up 1686 percent between the week ending July 14, 2007 and the week ending July 28, 2007.

Some of the interest has got to be people searching for memorabilia to burn. With Bonds being so close to tying and breaking Hank Aaron's home run record, expect to see "Flights to Chicago" somewhere on next week's list.

Beckham Imposter on the Loose

2007-08-02T09:15:00.000-05:00

I don’t know what kind of shit David Beckham had to put up with over in Europe, but here in America, we can be complete assholes when we pay big money for you to do nothing.

Just yesterday we saw the Beckham backlash start to gain momentum, with posters like the one pictured above (via The Fanhouse). And now, some guy is calling L.A. officials imitating Beckham and making a boatload of empty promises, like having underprivileged kids come to an LA Galaxy practice session.

An imposter pretending to be soccer superstar David Beckham made a dozen crank calls to county offices to chat about charity work and drop names of celebrity friends, officials said. County Public Information Officer Judy Hammond said the bogus Beckham also suggested bringing underprivileged kids to a practice session of the Los Angeles Galaxy, Beckham's new team.

Luckily for Beckham, though, those L.A. officials don't just stand around not arresting celebrities. They're busy today investigating their own laws to see if the prank calls rise to the "level of some kind of offense."

Yes, Another Video

2007-07-31T10:16:00.000-05:00

If you're like me and find golf, well...boring as hell, fret not. These guys have found a way to make golf an exciting adventure for everyone. Golf and fire might not seem to mix as well as these guys hoped, but developing the technique seems like a trial-and-error process. If properly executed, it could just be the greatest way to tee off at each hole.

If that's not the greatest execution of "stop, drop and roll," I just don't know what is.

Dan Rodricks is a Stupid Dick.

2007-07-30T16:00:00.001-05:00

From Dan Rodricks at The Sun in Baltimore:

Here's my prediction:
Red Sox will choke. It's going to get really ugly.
It's going to be historic. The Curse Resurrectio. They'll not only lose the AL East. They won't get a wild-card bid.
Yanks will finish first in the East, the Tigers in the Central and the Angels in the West. The Indians will be the wild-card.
The Orioles will make a run and finish strong -- edging out the Jays and the Sox into second place right behind the Yankees.
There, it's done. I said it. I'm gonna live with it. I've started the Bosox Choke Watch.

Good god, did they give Dan Shaughnessy a pen name?

Thanks to Dan at The Red Sox Monster.

If You Like the WNBA...

2007-07-30T13:28:00.000-05:00

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals.

If only they added women's lacrosse somehow...

But I'm Backing In! You Can't Put it in Head First!

2007-07-30T12:30:00.000-05:00

I can’t even count on one hand the number of times I’ve had to lay the smack down on the street. Especially about a parking space. But I may have met my match in this guy. Maybe.

Via All Hip Hop.

New Jersey Puts its Hopes in a Virgin

2007-07-26T16:15:00.001-05:00

New Jersey is celebrating the age-old sport of hot air ballooning this weekend and balloon enthusiasts statewide are pinning all their hopes on a virgin to bring good weather.

According to an imported superstition, good weather can be assured through a ceremony involving a virgin, some knives and fresh, whole onions and peppers.

Unfortunately, it’s a lot less sexy than it sounds, and not just because of the setting:

[The virgin] drives a golf cart to the four corners of the festival site, picks up some grass, mumbles some random words, then penetrates the produce with a knife before jamming it and the knives into the ground.

Victoria Brumfield is the lucky lady in question, who took over as the event’s token virgin when her sister moved to California in 2005. To be safe, though, officials at the event should check the authenticity of her status. I mean, it’s New Jersey. She’s probably tainted, is what I’m trying to say.

Beckham's Pissing People off Already

2007-07-25T09:02:00.000-05:00

Listen, I don’t know anything about Europe save what I’ve seen from a few post cards. But apparently shit’s crazy over there. I can’t believe some of the things they let their athletes get away with. It’s anarchy. Well, David Beckham’s got another thing coming now, let me tell you. And PETA’s gonna be all over his ass if he doesn’t watch out.

Apparently, the world’s greatest best looking futbol player favors Adidas “Predator” cleats made of kangaroo skin – oh yea, you can make shoes out of anything with skin – and he wears them as part of his multimillion dollar endorsement deal with the athletic giant. Well, animal rights activists, when they had time before their new Michael Vick agenda, sued Adidas and all-out hates the Australian government for allowing the death of such a loveable creature. They’ve been losing on account that kangaroo hunting is part of Australia’s plan to keep them from overpopulating the country. Until Tuesday, when California banned kangaroo skin.

The legislation still has to be cleared, and Beckham allegedly switched to synthetic Predators last year, but good god, Becks. If there’s one group you wanted to steer clear of coming to the States it’s the animal people. They’re a relentless pain in the ass, those ones.

Via The Fanhouse.

It's Already Too Much

2007-07-19T10:21:00.000-05:00

If you're not already sick of the hype surrounding David Beckham - and all this before he even plays with the L.A. Galaxy - get ready to be: Becks has his own reality show.

That's right, he's following in the footsteps of his wife and Paula Abdul, and will document his first Major League season here in the good ol' U. S. of A. Not only will you watch him sit on the bench during games because of his sore ankle, you'll get to watch him sitting around behind-the-scenes because of his sore ankle. There will also be interviews and, hopefully, some more hot shots of him feeling up Posh.

The show is slated to air next Wednesday, the 25th, on the Fox Soccer Network, but it may be postponed based on whether or not Beckham actually takes the field this Saturday against Chelsea - you know, because he's being paid to and all.

Why Drinking Beer is Awesome

2007-07-19T08:59:00.001-05:00

Let it never be said that drinking isn’t essential to having a good time. Take, for example, these two guys video taped at the Pittsburgh Pirates - Atlanta Braves game July 14th. Fueled by hours of drinking liquid courage, they succumbed to their friends’ chants and jumped from the bleachers onto the field during a rain delay. The only problem is that at this point in the night, as you’ll see in the video, it seems they and their friends are the only ones left in the park.

In the end, what could have been a well thought-out streak across the outfield grass to the cheers of thousands (given that the Braves get that many spectators) basically ended up like spending three nights in jail for running across your parent's backyard. Awesome, guys…you are truly men amongst boys.

Via Dan at the Red Sox Monster. Another man amongst boys.

The Frugal Footballer

2007-07-18T14:37:00.001-05:00

If I just signed a multimillion dollar contract, penny-pinching would be the last thing on my mind. Well, I'm clearly no Fernando Torres, who isn't nearly as big of a self-induldgent prick as I would be.

Torres just signed a $42 million contract with Liverpool. But while A-Rod would have called upon the manliest strippers he could find, Torres got dropped off at the airport by his parents and treated his girlfriend to a $176 bargain flight from Madrid to Liverpool.

Somewhere in L.A., David Beckham is shaking his head.

Burn, Barry. Burn.

2007-07-17T15:53:00.000-05:00

The bonfire was always a big deal in my town when I was younger. It was held on a field adjacent to the high school (we only had one) and was a part of the annual fall season pep rally. You know, a real New England affair. Until a foreign exchange student got alcohol poisoning my freshman year of high school, forever committing the yearly bonfire to memory - stupid foreigners. So it will come to no surprise that I plan on heading to Chicago for the Greatest. Bonfire. Ever.

As part of a Barry Bonds boycott, Bleachers Sports, a 15-year veteran of the Chicago sports memorabilia scene, plans to burn all of it's Bonds merchandise the day he breaks Hank Aaron’s home run record. Owner Keith McDonough has removed all Bonds baseball cards from a collection that’s about 5 million deep, including autographed items as well, and will burn each and every one. "Bonds knew he was taking performance-enhancing drugs, and he continued to take them after Major League Baseball declared their use to be illegal," he told chicagosports.com. "We have hundreds of children as customers and at least they will know that we do not support attaining athletic superiority through chemical ingestion. Quite simply, we want kids to say 'no' to taking steroids and any other drugs like this, so we will at least not sell Barry Bonds in our store."

At least now we know where Bud Selig's going to be the night Bonds breaks the record.

Via Ben Maller.

Strahan's Wallet Getting a Little Thin?

2007-07-12T10:30:00.001-05:00

Living in New York City is notoriously tough on the wallet, and sometimes the locals need to find extra work on the side. But you wouldn't think an NFL player would experience the same need to tighten the purse strings. Unfortunately that's not the case when your ex-wife is sucking your account dry.

Giant's defensive end Michael Strahan, who's recently found extra change by appearing in Subway commercials, has had to get a second job with the DIY Network (whosit?) working on the show Backyard Stadiums. He'll be helping families design and build sports facilities in their backyards. And some of Strahan's athlete friends, like MLS star ~~David Beckham~~ Clint Mathis, NBA star ~~Dwyane Wade~~ Darryl Dawkins, former NFL quarterback ~~Dan Marino~~ Neil O'Donnell and pro skateboarder ~~Tony Hawk~~ Dan MacFarlane, will be joining him.

Add the show to Strahan's increasing team frustrations, and you can assume life has been good for the big man.

Marcus Bent Got Screwed Because His Girlfriend Did First

2007-07-12T08:44:00.000-05:00

Marcus Bent is an English soccer player.

Danielle Lloyd honestly thought Winston Churchill was the first black president of the United States (“There’s a statue of him near me – it’s black”), but that’s neither here nor there. The ex-Miss Great Britain was also the only thing about Bent that anyone cared about -until he dumped her for having a “marathon sex session” with 50 Cent and telling the tabloids about it.

Danielle, 23, met rap hardman Fiddy at his Hammersmith Apollo gig last week. And just hours later Fiddy, 32, invited her back to his £2,500-per-night suite at the swanky Landmark Hotel in West London..."Danielle was bragging to pals about how big he was - all over."

"She said he's a mega-star in more ways than one." And according to a bystander: "She looked a bit wobbly after her late night."

It must suck to be Marcus Bent. No one knows who you are; your dumb, hot girlfriend is telling the world she had to find another man to make her walk funny; and the worst part is that 50 Cent already made you look like a pussy by default – banging your girlfriend just made it sweeter for him.

Walker Held at Gunpoint

2007-07-10T10:00:00.000-05:00

Antoine Walker should seriously consider moving out of the Chicago area. Monday marked the second time the Miami forward was robbed at gunpoint in the Windy City.

The first time was in July of 2000, when he was robbed while sitting in his car outside a south side restaurant. Monday, Walker was robbed in his home in Chicago's River North neighborhood. Police aren't giving many details, except that Walker and at least one other person were held at gunpoint by two offenders without injury and that a vehicle, cash and jewelry were taken Walker's agent says that the NBA star is okay and that he's getting everything, including himself, back together.

Neither Walker or the Heat had any comment as facts are gathered.

Jelena and Jamie, Sittin in a Tree...

2007-07-10T08:57:00.001-05:00

Here’s a way to get a girl that I’ve never heard of before: ask her to partner you at Wimbledon and the go on to win. Serbian tennis player Jelena Jankovic honestly believes that the reason she and her mixed doubles partner, Briton Jamie Murray, won at Wimbledon is because Jamie had a big, fat crush on her.

Jankovic gets her evidence from the fact that Murray asked her to partner him out of the blue even though she insisted she wasn't a doubles player. She also says Murray spent pauses telling her how attractive she was “instead of discussing tactics.” I’m sure she’s not trying to toot her own horn or anything, but she claims that by the end of the tournament, she “realized that in fact he had fallen in love.”

All kidding aside, though, I’ve seen this happen once before. Those 2004 Red Sox fucking loved me. Really, though, who could blame them.

How Can You Not Love Red Sox Fans?

2007-07-09T15:57:00.000-05:00

I’m a Red Sox fan and so it’s imperative that I flaunt all that makes my great nation…well, great. Reasons number 42 and 43 are these two guys who, like many others, take pride in making fun of the Yankees with no regard toward their self-worth, image and/or esteem.

You see, there’s nothing quite as refreshing as the ability to make fun of ~~yourself~~ Alex Rodriguez, especially in song. You may want to call it annoying. You would be wrong.

Thanks to Dan over at Red Sox Monster for this. I only wish he could introduce me to them.

Patrick Says Good-bye to ESPN

2007-07-09T14:19:00.000-05:00

Dan Patrick may not be going to The Price Is Right, but he's not staying at ESPN.

There's no word as to whether or not he's leaving because of the recent onslaught of bad media the World Wide Leader is faceing, but Patrick announced on his radio show a few minutes ago that he'll be leaving the network next month.

Happy Fourth of July!

2007-07-03T10:34:00.000-05:00

In the rare event that my mom (or your mom) isn't the only one reading this blog, I feel compelled to inform you of my upcoming absense (which clearly seems to have started last week - I hate having a job that requires me to "work" the requisite eight hours).

Believe it or not, I get a bit of a vacation, so I'll be attempting a tan at Cape Cod starting tomorrow. Since it's not exactly easy to come by wireless internet in a summer cottage that, you know, doesn't have it, and since I refuse to spend sun-filled drinking time trapsing for a Starbucks with wi-fi (Dunkin Donuts isn't quite as advanced yet), I leave you here.

Enjoy your Fourth of July and remember: nothing says "U.S.A." like an Pac Man shooting. But I'll settle for any NFL arrest upon my return.

I Believe the Word You’re Looking for is “Poseur”

2007-06-29T14:52:00.001-05:00

Everyone’s told their little white lie: my dog ate my homework; I didn’t have sexual relations with that woman; I’ve never done steroids. The problem is when you cross the line from getting yourself out of trouble to trying to improve your image.

It's like Eminem said at the end of that movie about him being a big rapper: Ain't no such thing as half way crooks. I'm assuming, because that's what I do, that Tank Johnson never saw that movie, and so never knew that it's not safe to lie for street cred. And as if getting caught in the lies about his parents isn't bad enough, he's being called out by his Aunty Chris.

''You can't fabricate things, and you can't go around making up accusations and building up stories based on your family,'' Tank's aunt, Chris Johnson, said after reading in the Chicago Post-Tribune that Tank said his father's been in jail. Apparently Tank’s parent’s rampant life of drug use wasn’t exactly all true, either. His father, Terry, Sr., said his only narcotic offense was a misdemeanor and involved marijuana rolling papers which was supposed to have been expunged. Terry calls the reports, “a bunch of bullshit.”

At this point, Johnson could have gone to Cranbrook and I wouldn’t be surprised.

Can't Get Enough of that Wonderful Duff

2007-06-26T19:54:00.000-05:00

Ah, Wisconsin. Refiner of cheese. Keeper of Brett Favre. Could it ever do any more for our great nation? Oh, that would be a yes.

You see, until now, beer and exercise haven't been synonymous outside the game of golf, but thanks to the folks in Suamico, Wisconsin, the two have been combined into a brilliant and lucrative idea: a street race for charity.

Sunday marked the 19th Annual Beer Belly Two – a two-mile street race laced with beer stops instead of water stops (because who needs hydration while running on a hot summer day). Local charities were smart in combining the two, peeling many men off of their recliners and into sneakers for a good cause - or beer. Probably for beer. And since nothing says family fun like dad's beer belly, kids are welcome to run, too.

The event has raised over $350,000 since its inaugural race, which is nice. But don't lose sight of what's really important, and that's making enough time in your life for quality drinking.

Cop Got Bitten by a Dolphin

2007-06-24T19:53:00.000-05:00

If you'd never heard of Fred Evans until Saturday, don't feel bad, no one else had either. He's the Dolphins' 6-foot-4, 305-pound defensive tackle who appeared in one game as a rookie last season. He's also a cop's worst nightmare.

Evans bit a cop and had to be tasered twice before officers were able to subdue him early Saturday morning. Apparently Evans refused to leave a taxi on South Beach when asked by police and resisted when the two officers tried to put cuffs on him. He's been charged with multiple counts of battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting with violence, and one count each of disorderly intoxication and trespassing.

Miami head coach Cam Cameron promises that Evans' behavior will be dealt with seriously. No word has come down from the Big Commish as of yet.

Via Deadspin

O.J. on the Juice

2007-06-21T15:58:00.001-05:00

This is why you shouldn't drink before ~~stabbing people~~ ~~writing a book~~ talking to cameras on the street. TMZ's cameras ran into O.J. Simpson coming out of the Forge Restaurant in Miami Beach last night.

He's really happy that the website got If I Did It into the hands of the public for free. By which he must have meant, "without the Goldman's getting any of the money because it was my idea to make money off of the book first."

Poor Girl.

2007-06-21T08:30:00.000-05:00

If you’ve ever wanted to know what I meant when I describe someone as “socially retarded,” this is it. Also, I’d like to meet her friend “Louis in Texas,” because, sweetie, any guy who sends you a Damon Red Sox t-shirt in 2007 is not your friend. Or he’s gay.

In all honesty, when I first watched this video – sent to me from Dan over at The Red Sox Monster – I felt bad for the girl. I figured she was bored and made this while everyone else was at Prom or something, and her little brother stole it and posted it on YouTube. But I was wrong.

This chick actually does this regularly. So much so that she has a blooper reel, but she forgot to include the previous videos on it.

No One Wants to Kiss Fantasia

2007-06-20T14:45:00.001-05:00

Kansas City running back Larry Johnson was cast in a Fantasia Barrino music video that shot in March.

The demanding role required him to walk on a treadmill in front of a green screen (talk about acting). And according to Johnson, what was the worst part of shooting When I See U? Kissing the bitch. “They don’t make you stop doing it until you get it right,” he said.

It’s understandable, though. You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would want to kiss her.

Mitch Albom Sells Screenplay

2007-06-20T14:16:00.000-05:00

Mitch Albom has accomplished what many writers hope to do someday. He’s sold his first feature screenplay. To Adam Sandler.

There isn’t a lot of info as of yet, but Columbia Pictures and Happy Madison Productions have purchased the rights to the screenplay. Sandler’s been successful experimenting out of his trademark comedy genre a few times, first with Punch-Drunk Love and most recently with the post-911 drama Reign Over Me, costarring Don Cheadle. But there’s no word as to whether or not he’ll star in this.

In all honesty, though, Sandler’s going to need a strong follow up to I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and Albom already has a proven audience. ~~Sports fans~~ Grandmothers everywhere rave about his books. But if you’re thinking Happy Gilmore meets Tuesdays with Morrie, then you’re as disappointed as I am.

O.J.'s Behind This

2007-06-20T10:17:00.001-05:00

O.J. Simpson's If I Did It has been leaked onto the Internet. TMZ got hold of some of the manuscript and has posted it on its site.

What with selling off his white bronco and trying to hawk this book in the first place, there's no way that O.J. didn't ~~murder those people~~ leak this himself.

A Fish Called Wanda

2007-06-15T15:02:00.000-05:00

With all the dangers involved in water sports it’s amazing that people still participate at all. Sharks and sunburns alone are enough to keep me off the water. And don’t even get me started on the killer flying fish. Just ask Tara Spears, who I’m sure won’t be navigating the waters of Florida’s Suwannee River again anytime soon.

Spears was knocked unconscious after being hit by a leaping sturgeon while jet skiing last weekend. And this isn’t an isolated incident. Earlier in the year a 50-year-old woman ruptured her spleen, lost a tooth and almost lost four fingers (three were reattached) when she was hit by a leaping sturgeon on the same river. In 2006, 10 people were hurt in Florida alone in what authorities call “sturgeon-human incidents.”

Doesn't Florida have an alligator problem as well? People argue with me all the time, but this whole “wildlife” thing is overrated.

A Sit Down with Amanda Beard

2007-06-15T09:01:00.000-05:00

I often get stuck running an interview with some chick from Playboy. I’ve worked with all three of Hef’s girlfriends and a few cover girls. Every time I head into one of these interviews, I do so with the honest intention of hating the bitch. Whether it stems from jealousy or elitism, it makes no difference: I don’t want to like her. And every time, without fail, the bitch ends up being the fucking sweetest thing and not nearly as stupid as I’d hoped she’d be.

Yesterday was no exception. But this time I was able to sit down with three-time Olympian turned July Playboy cover girl Amanda Beard and ask her my own questions. I only had ten minutes, so my interview isn’t as good or extensive as others, but the chick is cool as hell (as is her boyfriend. And sorry guys, but if he was in that hot blogger contest, he’d win, hands down). I wasn’t able to fit in questions about the couple’s Arizona home, their three dogs or the “his” and “hers” motorcycles, but I did get a few in. Oh, and sorry to disappoint if you haven’t seen the spread yet, but you’re not getting full frontal. She explains below.

Who approached who for the Playboy shoot?

They actually approached my agent, and he called me. They’ve approached a couple of times and it never really felt like the right moment in my life. This time, everything clicked, everything fell together nicely. And like I said, they gave me so much control over the photo shoot with picking the photographer, and having a lot of creative control and being able to check out all the photos and approve them all before they were put in the magazine. And I was like, you know what? This is Playboy, and them giving me this much control in a legendary magazine like this, I’d be a fool to pass it up. So I definitely was excited to – hopefully – be on the cover.

Playboy has been known to airbrush out tattoos and you have a few. Did they airbrush yours out? (I haven’t actually seen the spread. I neither subscribe to the magazine nor want to purchase one from shelves in a store).

You know, [other magazines have] done that in previous photo shoots that I’ve done but they didn’t do it in this one. I like it when they leave it in there because it’s like, airbrushing a birthmark or a freckle off of someone is kind of weird. You need to keep it as natural as possible. My tattoos are special to me, so I’m glad they left them. I have the three stars on my back, on the back of my neck I have the zodiac sign for Scorpio, and then on the back of my leg I have another star, and then on my other leg I have Ray tattooed on me which is my middle name, my dad’s middle name and my grandpa’s name.

Not to disappoint all the guys, but you didn’t exactly do a full frontal. What did you allow them to shoot?

You go through all the logistics of it and what you want to reveal and not reveal. I’m totally fine with my butt showing, you know, I moon people all the time, so that’s not weird. And you know what, I’ve basically shown most of my boobs minus the nipples, so I figured, why not take that next step, but I wasn’t ready for that bottom half part.

When you did the FHM cover in 2004, you were in it with Logan Tom, Haley Cope, Jenny Adams and Amy Acuff. Acuff also did a shoot with Playboy in 2004. Had she already finished that shoot by that point and have you talked to her about it at all?

I’m not quite sure. I didn’t get to shoot with all those girls. They kind of put us together at the end. I only shot with one of the other girls and I’ve never even met them. So I don’t know what order she did the photo shoots in, but I saw that spread in 2004. I mean, I obviously have no problem with it. I think it’s always refreshing and kind of nice to see a body like that portrayed as beautiful and sexy.

Now, you’re going to have critics. You work with Defenders of Wildlife; people say you’re a role model, etc. What do you say to your critics?

You know what, that’s fine. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, so they can say what they want, but my whole thing is that I live a very calm and healthy lifestyle. I mean, I’m not partying late into the hours or anything like that, I hardly even drink, I’m not a drug addict, I’m not in jail. I’m in a committed relationship, I’m very very close with my family and those are all things that [make me] a role model. I always say that everyone chooses their own road, and so Playboy might not be for them, they might not necessarily agree with it, but I feel like my lifestyle is definitely worth being a role model for.

You’ve come from the 14-year-old girl with the teddy bear on the pedestal to the cover of Playboy, and to live out your dreams. Not every girl’s dream is Playboy, but what do you say to young athletes who look to have the success that you’ve had?

The thing that’s great about being an athlete is that it does create a lot of opportunities for you and it opens a lot of doors, and you have to decide which ones are the right ones for you. I think that you need to be aware of the things that hard work could bring you. Being dedicated to a sport can bring you a lifetime of great memories, it can bring you a job, and a lot of things. I talk to young girls all the time about this kind of stuff, and you know, they don’t know about [the magazine], they have to be 18 to buy it, so I talk to them about swimming and going through high school and all those pressures. I lived through it, so I think it’s just refreshing for them to talk to me.

You mentioned your family before. How is dad handling this whole Playboy thing?

Dad, actually, is super cool. You know, I’ve talked to him about it before because I’ve always kind of toyed with the possibility of being approached for this. So I’ve always kind of brought it up to him because we’re very, very close. And when I said, “Hey, I’m gonna shoot for Playboy and they said it could be a possible cover,” he was like, “This is a great business decision. I think this is a good thing to do, and if you’re comfortable with this, I’m comfortable with this and I support you no matter what.” So, he’s a good dad.

Are you afraid that anyone in your family’s going to see it that you’d rather not?

Everyone’s buying the copies, uncles, aunts, cousins, everyone. So, you know what, in one way you can look at it as it’s weird or awkward, but in another way, my family’s supporting me and they’re going out and buying magazines and they know that I’m working really hard to do this stuff, which is cool. They can look passed all the negative things being said and just have an open mind with it.

You’ve been up since 4 o’clock this morning; you’ve done numerous interviews and probably have more when you leave here. You’re in the middle of training for the 2008 Olympics…how exactly do you fit your training in?

I don’t actually work out very much when I’m doing things like this because I have no energy to work out and I don’t know where I would fit it in. I’m literally going from 4am to about 10pm tonight, so these are my days off, if you can even call them that. But every other day I’m not doing a full schedule like this, I’m definitely working out. And I have my jump rope with me in the hotel, so if I have any spare time I can bust my jump rope out and do my quick little sets, or some sit-ups.

There’s discussion going on right now that hints at us boycotting the Beijing Olympics for political reasons. Is that fair to do that to all of you athletes who work so hard to get there? What would you say to them?

Not at all. That would be heartbreaking, I think, to do something like that. I think the Olympics is putting away all the political [stuff] that’s going on, having some good, healthy competition. I think it’s just horrible to not allow athletes who’ve been training, you know, their whole lives for these moments to not compete. I would be one pissed off person. So don’t do it.

We went on to finish the interview by talking about the disaster that is the 2012 London logo, but she hasn’t yet seen it. I told her about the epilepsy scare and she laughed. She’s funny, this one. She’s also incredibly sweet and incredibly smart, as I hoped she wouldn’t but knew she would be. I will be cheering for her come Beijing, if we are still going.

To see more of Amanda and her boyfriend Sasha, check out the house tour she did for Sobe.

Divorce Sucks

2007-06-07T08:50:00.000-05:00

Divorces are difficult, this is no secret. And sometimes they can get downright ugly, especially when ~~kids~~ baseball tickets are involved.

In what may be the first custody battle over Atlanta Braves tickets H. Elizabeth King and Charles Center spent two hours in a hearing on Tuesday that involved several witnesses.

King testified that Center had gone out of his way this year to give her tickets to games that conflicted with her schedule. And she claimed 80 percent of the tickets he gave her were for day games, implying he'd done it because he knew she had skin cancer.

Center testified that the four tickets to 27 home games cost about $6,000. And he was distributing them to her the way he'd always distributed them, sequentially, according to a mathematical formula. He said he adjusted that arrangement when people asked or if there were conflicting schedules.

In the end, after $13,000 in legal fees, the judge told them to settle out of court, which, frankly, is just plain lazy. Then again, I wouldn’t want to sit for more than two hours listening to people bitch over Braves tickets, either.

Who is The Next John Madden?

2007-06-06T16:20:00.000-05:00

No. This is not a camp that you can attend to learn to be the next John Madden. And no, this is not a set-up for a new reality show. This is an actual training camp for actual NFL players so that they can become the next John Madden.

On June 18th, the NFL is holding its first ever "Broadcast Boot Camp" where 20 players will spend three, 12-hour days determining if they have what it takes to make the cut. Applicants are whittled down by essay questions until the final 20 are selected to attend the camp. Once there, they'll attend classes, including "a session on ethics and what it's like to criticize former teammates," which pretty much eliminates T.O. from the get-go.

On-air "talent" will be on hand as well, including broadcasters from FOX, CBS, and ABC/ESPN.

Via The Big Lead.

The "No-Go Logo"

2007-06-06T08:34:00.000-05:00

This is the 2012 Olympics logo. Will at Deadspin describes it as a tetris disaster and at first I thought it was just ugly as well. But a new study shows that it's not just ugly, it's dangerous too. It sparked epileptic fits in at least 10 people last night at a viewing in London.

The “animated footage’s flashing lights and colours [at a viewing last night] also caused scores of others to suffer sickness and dizziness.” It's so bad, in fact, that London Mayor Ken Livingstone has termed it the "No-go Logo," and it's been pulled from the official website.

I always figured if the Times Square McDonald’s didn’t cause seizures, nothing would. How wrong I was.

Pac-Man Jones Still Causing Trouble

2007-06-05T15:28:00.000-05:00

Tennessee Titans cornerback Pac-Man Jones hasn't learned a damn thing from his suspension. He was apparently nothing but trouble at R. Kelly's Double Up album release party last week.

According to sources at both AllHipHop.com(Item 8) and MediaTakeOut.com, the recently suspended NFLer was throwing bottles into the crowd while Kellz was performing for no reason at all. He also "allegedly" almost started a fight with a fellow party goer.

It's clear Jones is unable to function in social situations and shouldn't have been let out of his cage. Although, I can't say I wouldn't react the same way if I was stuck at an R. Kelly concert, so who am I to throw stones.

Best. Interview. Ever.

2007-06-01T10:53:00.000-05:00

Ali G interviewing Posh and Beckham.

The Geico Gecko hardly even speaks.

A-Rod Knows More than One Way to Cheat

2007-05-31T10:31:00.000-05:00

And it doesn't surprise me a bit.

In Wednesday's 10-5 win over the Blue Jays, Rod allegedly yelled "Mine!" at Toronto's third baseman while rounding third to run home. The yell caused Howie Clark to miss the ball, helping the Yanks along in the game. A-Rod told reporters that he yelled "Ha!" Not "Mine!" He went on to say, "sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."

I wonder where he learned to be so classy. Meanwhile his wife moved out.

Enrique Iglesias is So Funny

2007-05-30T15:27:00.001-05:00

Oh, praise the lord, it was all a joke. Enrique Iglesias was only joking when he told a Swedish newspaper that he and Anna Kournikova were divorced.

Enrique slays me. You see, the two were never married in the first place! Silly Swedes. And shame on us for falling for the joke!

Thank goodness for the likes of People magazine and suchlike.

I Can Now Justify Hating A-Rod

2007-05-30T08:09:00.000-05:00

It's no secret. I hate Alex Rodriguez. And now the New York Post has completely justified my disdain.

The paper snapped photos of the Yankee third baseman with an unknown blonde while in Toronto Sunday night. The two were seen dining with friends at a steakhouse before visiting a "glitzy" strip club (are there any other kind?) and then mading their way to his hotel room just after midnight. One thing the paper does know is that the unkown blonde is not A-Rod's wife, Cynthia, the mother of their toddler daughter.

Honestly though, he's got a lot of extra money hanging around. Maybe he was just being hospitable? Yea, I don't believe that either.

Now She'll Never be a Teen Model!

2007-05-30T07:53:00.000-05:00

Great find by The Big Lead this morning that further proves the woman's place is in the kitchen.

Some chick from Arizona's softball team ran her face into the centerfield wall, which sucks, it really does. But c'mon,suck it up, would ya?

First of all, this is sports, made of metal and braun. Act like it and knock off the crying.

Second, when have you ever seen a male athlete (that's almost redundant, isn't it?) have his head cradled when he's taken off the field on the cart? She should be ashamed of herself.

Update: Check it out at Why Don't We Get Drunk and Blog because I can't seem to embed anything today.

How Could You Not Swoon?

2007-05-23T15:06:00.000-05:00

Elijah Dukes really knows how to sweet-talk his wife.

"Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls-------. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N-----, all I know is, n-----, when I see your m-----f------- a-- riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your m-----f------ house."

This voicemail was left on her cell phone, along with a picture of a gun, after Dukes ran into his wife's middle school classroom and screamed that he was going to kill her. Consequently, Nishea Gilbert Dukes got a little nervous and filed for protection against her husband...twice in the past month. Her first request was dropped because she missed her court date. One of her children was in the hospital. The latest request was made in a courtroom last Thursday, and a hearing will be held for her on May 30th.

By my count that's 13 days. Now, I'm not good at math, and I know that courtrooms are busy these days, what with the Cincinnati Bengals in the offseason, but almost two weeks of fearing for your life and the life of your children? I don't think the court grasps the immediacy of the situation.

Or maybe she should just take care of her own problems. We can't expect the police to be policing the entire neighborhood, you know.

I Bet Simpson's Somehow Behind This

2007-05-22T13:31:00.000-05:00

Remember the suit OJ Simpson was wearing when his "not guilty" verdict was read in the murder trial? Ya, me neither, but Alfred Beardsley, sports memorabilia peddler, has got his hands on it and wants to sell it.

TMZ.com reports a judge denied the Goldman family's motion to collect money on the sale of Simpson's suit. David Cook, Fred Goldman's lawyer, filed papers just yesterday in Santa Monica asking a judge to grab the suit. The motion was denied, a judge told Kim Goldman, Ron's sister, because there was no way to prove the authenticity of the supposed "not guilty" suit.

Of course this - like many other things - doesn't make sense to me. If, in fact, the authenticity of the suit can't be verified, shouldn't the judge stop Beardsley from selling it under those pretenses? I mean, hell, Manny couldn't even sell a neighbor's grill.

Teenagers Partying? What’s this World Coming To?

2007-05-22T09:51:00.000-05:00

Michael Jordan is raising disrespectful children! I know not everyone is expected to be a little angel like I was as a high school student, but my goodness, Mr. Jordan, they are smoking marijuana, drinking, and dancing with young women!

The best part of this “developing” non-story from Media Take Out are the exclusive pictures provided of the two aptly following in dad's footsteps.

The Jordans should be ashamed of themselves.

Vick Can't Catch a Break

2007-05-16T14:41:00.000-05:00

It just gets worse and worse for Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick. According to Yahoo Sports, the lead investigator in Vick's dogfighting case can directly tie Vick to the alleged dogfighting ring run out of his Smithfield, Virginia property.

Kathy Strouse, the Animal Control coordinator of Chesapeake, Virginia, says a reliable source allerted her to video tapes that tie Vick to the fighting. She also says she knows individuals who can "put Vick on that property" during matches. "We don't know where (the tapes) are or if they do indeed exist, but I have been told they are out there," she told the website. "Without knowing where they are, there's no possibility of getting a search warrant at this point."

Wait, what?

My god, this woman’s investigative skills know no bounds. Not that I particularly care to stick up for Vick, but he could use one of his fighting dogs as his attorney and he’d be able to win the case at this point. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the movies, it’s that “Just trust me, I know the tapes are out there” might not win your case.

I'll Agree, It's Epic

2007-05-16T10:44:00.000-05:00

James Toback has known Mike Tyson since 1985 and has over 30 hours of interview footage which - after enjoying with popcorn - he edited into a film documenting the rise and dramatic decline of a once-hallowed athlete.

“Tyson” will represent an honest account of the former champion’s life. “The point is not to polish or make a cinematic apology,” says Toback, “but rather to get a first-hand look at a very complex and epic story…from the bitter divorce, the ear-biting, prison, to his becoming a sex addict.” Toback went on to describe Tyson as “self-aware” and “smart,” so I’m not really sure how much stock we can put into statement number one.

Regardless, Tyson backs the entire thing, even donating the footage himself. Not surprising, since he probably needs the money. That whole World Tour thing didn’t financially pan out as he had hoped. I’m sure I’ll watch it, although I’ll be fast forwarding through that whole “sex addict” segment.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot, You Big Baby

2007-05-14T14:03:00.000-05:00

After acting like a 17-year-old whose parents took her license away, Brett Favre is saying that he never really wanted to be traded from the Green Bay Packers. Favre released a statement yesterday that says he wants to finish his career as a Packer.

"Sometimes when I get frustrated, I let my emotions get the better of me," the aging QB said. Packers GM Ted Thompson has acknowledged Favre's frustration and still believes the team will be successful this coming season.

I'm quite sure that Packer's fans will have no problem forgetting the incident, as they will always believe in the power, honesty and integrity that Brett Favre embodies. The rest of us will go on thinking he should have retired four years ago, avoiding this mess entirely.

The New Face of DEI

2007-05-11T15:03:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Dale Earnhardt Inc. lost its face, its name and its bloodline when Dale, Jr. announced that he and his manager-slash-sister were heading out to work for someone who, said Earnhardt, “isn’t such a fucking bitch.” Okay, maybe that’s not verbatim, but I’m sure it’s what he’s thinking.

Regardless, DEI now needs to step it up to keep fans and sponsors coming in. They need a driver with an edge. Someone who commands attention. Someone who can drive with, say no arms and one leg.

Michael Francis Wiley lost both arms and one of his legs in an electrical accident when he was 13. And Tuesday, now 40-years-old, he led police on an eight minute high speed chase in New Port Richey, Florida. Officers called the chase off to keep others from getting hurt. He was arrested Wednesday for fleeing police and habitually driving without a license (he’s actually had his license revoked so many times it’s a felony for him to drive).

And don’t think this was a first offense; this guy’s defying all odds. Wiley spent time in prison in 1996 for kicking - with his one leg - a state highway trooper and in 1998 he led police on another chase, clocking 120mph.

This guy’s got it all: speed, dexterity behind the wheel and the sympathy vote. I guess what I’m saying is that it’d be wise for Teresa to take a look.

Hey Look, Ernie Peed His Pants Too! All Right!

2007-05-10T11:54:00.000-05:00

You ain't cool unless you pee your pants...in Milwaukee.

It's true, the Milwaukee Brewers have the best record in baseball (24-10) and though it's only May, they stand a fighting chance to make the playoffs for the first time in 24 years. Naturally some Brewers fans are excited. Maybe a little too excited.

A website has been started (link via Deadspin) called Pee Your Pants for the Brewers, and it's asking fans to "step up to the plate and pledge" that they will, like the site's creator, pee their pants if the Brew Crew makes it to the playoffs. Says the publisher, "I have never seen a full Brewers season where they make the playoffs...It’s been a long 24 years- the longest playoff drought in baseball. With a young team of quality stars and shrewd management, we’re boldly making our move. I get so excited thinking about the Brewers now, a little pee comes out. In fact, when the Brewers make the playoffs I will pee my pants."

Will you join him and the other 199 people who've signed up since Monday? Come on! If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for you.